"Ask a psychologist." Answers to questions

Our Charity Foundation presents the column “Ask a Psychologist”, within which psychologist Yana Kobets gives her expert advice to our subscribers.

We publish our specialist’s answers to the questions we receive from you.

• How to recover from the loss of a loved one and get back to life?
• How to support a child if the father went missing in the war?
• Psychologist's answer: How to support a child who is grieving for a dead father?
• What to do when you see shadows or objects that are not there?
• How to reduce anxiety levels?
• How can I overcome a gaming addiction that arose due to stressful events? I'm worried that it could ruin my relationship with my partner, who doesn't know about this problem.
• How to find a job? I'm having trouble finding my place
• How to support a child who feels constant anxiety due to the possible danger to their parents?
• How to control yourself and not yell at your child, especially during homework?
• How to learn to shift attention from negative situations?
• How to build a relationship with a teenage son if he is only interested in computer games?
• Can a war in a country cause delayed speech development in a preschool child?
• How to survive contempt, ridicule from friends? My husband often insults me in front of my children. I don't have the strength to live on. Sometimes I ask my children if they would be better off without me.
• I am 21 years old, and I can't find my place in life and decide what I want. Criticism from my family only makes my condition worse. I feel powerless and apathetic.
• How to improve your relationship with your children?
• How can I learn to react more calmly to external circumstances? How can I improve my relationships with my teenage children?
• Our teenager is taking money without permission. What should we do about it and how should we react?
• How to get out of a state of derealization?
• How to react to the whims and stubbornness of a four-year-old child?
• How do you cope with a sudden and unexplained loss of contact with a loved one?
• A 6-year-old child was diagnosed with ADHD and psycho-linguistic developmental delay. How to properly raise a child, taking into account these features?
• The child is in second grade. He often refuses to write, which causes learning problems. Sometimes it seems like he does it on purpose.
• What should I do if I forbid myself from showing any emotions?
• I feel very jealous of my husband, who has been defending our country for a year. I can't shake the thought that he is cheating on me.
• What to do when you're tired of everything? I'm currently on maternity leave, but I'm working.
• How to help a daughter who is withdrawn and afraid of socializing at college?
• I feel very jealous of the man who has been defending our country for a year. I can't shake the thought that he is betraying me.
• What to do when you're tired of everything? I'm currently on maternity leave, but I'm working.
• How to help a daughter who is withdrawn and afraid of socializing at college?
• How to start living your life based on your own values ​​and desires, not your parents' expectations?
• How to start living your life based on your own values ​​and desires, not your parents' expectations?
• How to make living together of several generations under one roof more comfortable? Forced to live together due to the loss of their homes.
• How to help a 9-year-old son become confident after moving, when he avoids communicating with peers and prefers virtual communication?
• After my husband was discharged from the military, I felt like we had become completely different people. What should I do about it?
• How do I cope with the consequences of my husband's alleged betrayal, which occurred during the most difficult period of my life, and overcome the fear of being abandoned?
• How to stop stress from eating you up?
• My husband was mobilized. I feel like filing for divorce. I have a severe headache.
• Is it normal that I want to rest from my own children?
• Why do I get angry at my child even though I love them dearly?
• What should I do if I need to control everything? I feel strong anxiety when I loosen control.
• How to maintain balance when what’s happening around is irritating?
• Why do I feel lonely in a crowd?
• How to cope with the fear of changing profession?
• How to understand when to compromise and when to keep fighting?
• Lately I’ve been having trouble breathing — like I can’t take a full breath. I’ve had panic attacks before. What could this mean and how can I help myself?
• How to preserve a relationship when my partner desperately wants a child, and I don’t?
• How to overcome kleptomania?
• How to accept what I cannot influence?

• Divorce, two children. The older one will likely live with her father because of school, but she doesn't want to change schools or leave me. It's painful for me to let her go, and she's afraid she won't be accepted at the new school. What is the right thing to do?

Psychologist's answer: How to recover from the loss of a loved one and get back to life?

The path to recovery is an individual process that requires time and patience. There is no single right answer to how to learn to enjoy life again. However, there are some steps that can help you on this difficult path.

Allow yourself to grieve. Do not suppress your feelings. Tears, anger, sadness are normal reactions to loss. Allow yourself to feel everything you feel. Talk about your feelings. Share your experiences with loved ones, friends or a psychologist. This will help you let your emotions out and feel supported.

Allow yourself to grieve. Do not rush to "forget" about your loss. Grief is a natural process, and you need to go through it.

Take care of yourself
Physical health: Watch your diet, exercise, get enough sleep. Physical health is closely linked to our emotional state.
Emotional health: Practice relaxation techniques such as meditation or breathing exercises. Do something you enjoy, read books, listen to music.
Social connections: Maintain connections with loved ones. Talking to other people will help you feel less alone.

Seek support
Family and friends: Talk to loved ones about how you are feeling. Their support is very important to you.
Support groups: Talking to people who have gone through similar experiences can be very helpful.
Psychologist: A specialist can help you process your feelings, find resources to overcome difficulties and restore emotional balance.

Gradually return to life
Start small: Set small and achievable goals.
Discover new things: Find new hobbies or interests.
Plan for the future: Think about what you want to achieve in life.

Remember that the recovery process is individual and can take a long time. Don't compare yourself to others or demand too much from yourself. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel everything you feel.
You are not alone. Many people have experienced a similar loss and were able to find the strength to move on. You can do it too.

If you are having a hard time dealing with these feelings on your own, don't hesitate to seek help from a psychologist.

Psychologist's answer: How to support a child if the father went missing in the war?

The situation when the father is missing in action is extremely difficult and painful for the whole family, especially for children. They feel fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and need special attention and support.

Recommendations that can help you support your child during this difficult period:

Talk to others who are going through similar experiences.

Every child is different, and what works for one child may not work for another. Be sensitive to your child’s needs and try to create the safest and most comfortable environment possible. There are also organizations that provide psychological support for children who have experienced traumatic events. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them for help. It’s important to understand that the recovery process from trauma can be a long one. Be patient with yourself and your child.

Psychologist's answer: How to support a child who is grieving for a dead father?

I sympathize with you in your grief. The death of a loved one is always a great loss, especially when a young child has to experience it.

Why is this a normal reaction:

What are the manifestations of grief in children:
- Crying is the most obvious manifestation of grief.
- Change in appetite. The child may refuse to eat or, conversely, overeat.
- Problems with sleep. Insomnia, nightmares.
- Change in behavior. The child may become more aggressive, withdrawn or, conversely, hyperactive.
- Physical symptoms. Headache, stomachache, loss of interest in games.

What parents can do:

- Be honest and open. Talk to the child in simple words that he can understand about what happened. Explain that dad is dead and will not come back. Do not deceive the child, but do not go into too much detail either.

- Allow the child to express his feelings. Do not hold back the child's tears. Let him cry, scream, get angry. This is a natural reaction to grief.

- Answer the child's questions. Even if these questions seem naive to you. Speak calmly and confidently.

- Keep rituals. Continue to perform the usual rituals associated with the father. For example, read his favorite bedtime stories or look at family photos.

- Let the child say goodbye. Give him the opportunity to say goodbye to his father. This can be through a drawing, a letter or just talking about him.

- Let the child play games related to his father. Playing, the child can process his feelings and experiences.
- Seek help from a specialist. A psychologist can help the child and you cope with grief and learn to live on. A pediatric neurologist can prescribe medications that will support the child's nervous system.
- Take care of yourself. Remember that you also need support. Do not hesitate to seek help from friends, relatives or a psychologist.

What to do during tantrums:
- Stay calm. Your reaction is very important to the child. Try to stay calm, even if it is very difficult for you. However, you can also cry together and say that you miss your father too and that your sadness is normal.
- Hug your child. Physical contact helps them feel safe.
- Listen to your child. Let them express their feelings. Don't interrupt them or minimize their feelings. Tell them that you feel the same way.
- Redirect your child's attention. Try to divert your child's attention to something else, such as playing a game or reading a story.
- Go for a walk in the fresh air. Fresh air and physical activity can help your child calm down.

Remember that the grieving process is individual for each person. Don't compare your child to others and don't expect them to quickly forget about the loss. Be patient and supportive of them and yourself.

Psychologist's answer: What to do when you see shadows or objects that are not there?

Indeed, such sensations can cause severe anxiety and confusion. Seeing shadows that are not really there and feeling someone's presence in the room are quite common experiences, especially in stressful situations.

What could be the cause of such sensations?

What can you do?

Consult a doctor. It is important to exclude any medical causes of your feelings. Consulting a psychologist will help you understand the causes of your feelings, teach you relaxation techniques and help you cope with anxiety.

Keep a sleep diary. Write down when you go to bed, when you wake up, how you sleep. This will help you identify possible sleep disorders.

Create a calm atmosphere at home. Clean the room, ventilate it, use pleasant aromas.

Practice relaxation techniques. Meditation, breathing exercises, yoga will help you calm down and reduce anxiety.

Discuss your feelings with loved ones. Tell people you trust about your experiences. Sometimes just talking about your fears helps to ease the condition.

Limit your consumption of stimulants. Coffee, alcohol, nicotine can increase anxiety.

Remember that you are not alone. Many people face similar experiences. Seek help from a specialist, and you will definitely find a solution to this problem.

Psychologist's answer: How to reduce anxiety?

With high anxiety intensity, the following tools can help:

Good luck on your journey to reducing your anxiety level! Regular efforts will certainly help stabilize your condition!

Psychologist's answer:How can I overcome a gaming addiction that arose due to stressful events? I'm worried that it could ruin my relationship with my partner, who doesn't know about this problem.

Why do people turn to gaming?

Why is it destructive?

How to overcome online casino addiction: practical tips

Algorithms and techniques for overcoming gaming addiction: practical advice

Behavioral therapy algorithms:

Cognitive-behavioral techniques:

Telling your partner about your gaming addiction can be a difficult step, but it is important for recovery and saving your relationship. Here’s why it’s important:
- Your partner can be your support in the fight against addiction. He or she can help you find support, motivate you, and be there for you when times get tough.
- By hiding your problem, you risk losing your partner’s trust. Open communication can help strengthen your relationship.
- Together, you can develop strategies to help you overcome your addiction.

How to talk about your problem:

Be prepared for different reactions. Your partner may react differently. Be prepared for this and try to understand their feelings.

Remember that you are not alone. Many people have successfully overcome gaming addiction.

Psychologist's answer: How to find a job? I'm having trouble finding my place

To begin with, I suggest asking yourself a few questions that can help you better understand yourself and your expectations from work:

The next step can be to draw up a job search plan that will meet your individual characteristics.
And finally, start taking action according to the formed plan. If necessary, you can adjust the plan to your needs and capabilities.

Remember that job searching is a process that takes time and effort. Don't give up if you don't find a job right away. The main thing is to believe in yourself and not be afraid to ask for help. I wish you success in finding your place in life!

Psychologist's answer: How to support a child who feels constant anxiety due to the possible danger to their parents?

Explain your vision to them in simple words. Use words that the child will understand, and avoid unnecessary details that may scare them. At the same time, it is better not to hide the truth, but also not to dramatize.

You can talk about what you are doing to ensure the safety of the family and yourself.
It is important to listen carefully, give the child the opportunity to express himself. Show that his feelings are important and understandable to you.

What joint actions can be taken?

Remember that children can react to stress in different ways.
At the same time, do not forget to take care of yourself, because your emotional state directly affects the child's condition.
Your love and support are the most important things for a child during this difficult period.

Psychologist's answer: How to control yourself and not yell at your child, especially during homework?

Understanding why parents may lose their temper with their child during homework is an important step towards solving this problem. Here are some reasons that can lead to such situations.

The reasons why a child may refuse to do homework can be varied:

How to avoid conflicts when doing homework:

Remember that you are a mother, not a teacher. Your main task is to support and protect. Yelling is not an effective method of teaching. It only worsens the relationship with the child and lowers his self-esteem. Be supportive and positive, and you can make the learning process enjoyable for both of you.

Psychologist's answer: How to learn to switch attention from negative situations?

Also, negative emotions, such as fear, anger, or sadness, are often more intense than positive ones. This intensity makes us fixate on negative events, trying to understand and resolve them.

Do not forget that negative thoughts can be distorted. For example, we can exaggerate the negative aspects of a situation or ignore the positive ones. These distortions support the fixation on the negative.

Another reason may be anxiety and stress, which increase sensitivity to negative stimuli. When stressed, we are more likely to see the world in a negative light. People with low self-esteem are often prone to self-criticism and negative thoughts about themselves. They may focus more on their own shortcomings and failures. News feeds and social media are often filled with negative news, which can contribute to a negative mindset.

Understanding these reasons can help you understand why you tend to get stuck in negative situations and begin to develop strategies for shifting your focus and improving your emotional state.

Shifting your focus from negative situations, stopping your thoughts and feelings, is a skill that can be developed by taking these steps:

The "3-3-3" technique will help you return to the present moment. Name 3 things you see, 3 sounds you hear, and 3 parts of your body that you feel.

Write down your thoughts and emotions - this will help you better understand them and find ways to overcome them.

If you feel that you cannot cope with negative thoughts and experiences on your own, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you understand your emotions and teach you effective strategies for overcoming negativity.

Remember that this process takes time and practice. Do not be upset if you do not succeed at everything right away. Be patient with yourself, and you will definitely succeed.

Psychologist's answer: How to build a relationship with a teenage son if he is only interested in computer games?

This is a very relevant question that worries many parents.
There may be several reasons why teenagers so often choose the virtual world:

What to do?
Building a relationship with a teenager, especially when his main interest is the online world, can be a difficult task. However, it is quite possible if you approach this issue with understanding and patience.

What to avoid:

Psychologist's answer: Can a war in a country cause delayed speech development in a preschool child?

War has a profound impact on the psyche of children 3-4 years old. At this age, children are especially vulnerable, since their psyche is still forming, and they do not have sufficiently developed mechanisms for overcoming stress.

Children can experience traumatic stress, even if they were not direct witnesses of hostilities. The sounds of explosions, sirens, and the disturbing emotions of adults can cause them severe fear and anxiety.

Children may become more anxious, tearful, irritable, or aggressive. There may be regression in development, for example, a return to early forms of behavior, such as thumb sucking or the use of baby talk.

Stress can affect attention, memory, and learning ability. Speech problems are possible. At this age, children are especially dependent on adults.

Therefore, it is important that parents and loved ones give them a sense of security, stability, and love. It is important to talk to children about their fears and anxieties, using simple and understandable words.Games, drawing, music can help children express their emotions and reduce stress. It is important to remember that each child reacts to war in their own way. Some children may show obvious signs of stress, while others may seem calm. However, even if a child does not show obvious signs of stress, it is important to provide them with support and attention.

Delayed speech development in children 3-4 years old can be caused by various factors:

A few exercises that will help parents develop speech in a child 3-4 years old:

Remember that each child develops at his own pace. If you have doubts about the development of the child's speech, contact specialists (pediatrician, speech therapist, pediatric neurologist, child psychologist). Early diagnosis of the causes and correction will help the child overcome difficulties and develop speech skills.

Psychologist's answer: How to survive contempt, ridicule from friends? My husband often insults me in front of my children. I don't have the strength to live on. Sometimes I ask my children if they would be better off without me.

Your situation is not easy. It is obvious that you are going through a very difficult time. I suggest dividing your question into two parts - relationships with your husband and children and relationships with loved ones and friends who ignore or ridicule you.

A situation where a husband constantly insults you in front of your children is unacceptable and causes serious harm to both you and your children. Your feelings of despair, pain, and even thoughts that the children would be better off without you are understandable in such a situation.

But it is important to emphasize that:
Children do not deserve to hear their parents insult each other. This can lead to serious psychological trauma in children, such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and future relationship problems.

What to do:

Your children need you. You are their mother, and your love and support are the most important thing for them. Therefore, refrain from asking whether they would be better off without you. Such questions can provoke a high level of anxiety and neurotic states in your children.

How to survive constant ridicule and ignoring from loved ones and get rid of feelings of loneliness:
First of all, it is important to recognize and accept your feelings. Do not hide sadness, pain or disappointment. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, as they are a natural reaction to negative treatment.

It is important to remember that you deserve respect and love. Do not let anyone make you feel inferior or worthless.
I hope these tips will help you get through a difficult time and build a happy and fulfilling life.

Psychologist's answer: I am 21 years old, and I can't find my place in life and decide what I want. Criticism from my family only makes my condition worse. I feel powerless and apathetic.

Let's look at the possible reasons:

Here are a few steps that can help you:

Additional tips that can improve your condition: sports, healthy sleep and nutrition, time in nature, meditation or yoga.

It is important to remember that you are a unique person, and you have the potential for a happy and fulfilling life.

Psychologist's answer: How to improve your relationship with your children?

Improving your relationship with your children is an important and often difficult process that requires attention, patience, and sincere desire on both sides.

Let's figure out together what steps can help you:

It is important to remind yourself that every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be sensitive to your children’s needs, experiment, and find the approaches that work best for your family.

Psychologist's answer: How to learn to react calmer to external circumstances? How to improve relationships with teenage children?

Try to identify specific situations, words, or actions that most often cause you a strong emotional reaction. Understanding your triggers is the first step to controlling them.

Keeping a diary can be helpful. You can write down your emotions, the situations that caused them, and your reactions. This will help you see patterns and better understand yourself.

Techniques that will help you learn to manage emotions:

Worrying about the future or dwelling on the past often leads to stress. Try to focus on the present moment. Understanding that other people may also be experiencing difficulties and acting on their own can help reduce frustration and anger.

Pay attention to getting enough sleep, a balanced diet and regular physical activity. These all have a significant impact on your emotional state.
Make time for activities that you enjoy and help you relax. Spend time with people who support and understand you.

If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions on your own, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.

When it comes to relationships with teenagers, it should be noted that adolescence is a period of significant change and challenges for both the children themselves and their parents. Remaining calm in communicating with teenagers requires understanding their developmental characteristics, patience, and the use of effective strategies.

It is important to consider that teenagers experience significant hormonal fluctuations, which can affect their mood and emotional reactions. Be prepared for sudden mood swings and increased sensitivity.

Teenagers are actively searching for their identity and striving for independence. This can manifest itself in the desire to make their own decisions, sometimes contrary to your advice. In adolescence, the opinions of friends and peers become extremely important. This can affect their decisions, clothing style, interests, etc.
Teenagers begin to evaluate the world and authorities more critically, including their parents. Be prepared for questions, doubts, and even objections. The part of the brain responsible for planning, decision-making, and impulse control is not yet fully developed in adolescents, which may explain their impulsiveness and tendency to engage in risky behavior.

With all of the above in mind, it is important to allow your teen to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or judging. Active listening shows your interest and respect. Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no,” ask about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. For example, “What do you think about this?” or “How do you feel about this situation?”

Try to understand their point of view, even if you disagree with it. Say something like, “I understand that you may feel frustrated.” Communicate your feelings and needs without blaming your teen. For example, instead of “You always leave your things behind!” say, “It makes me sad when I see things scattered because it’s hard for me to keep them organized.”

Don’t try to discuss important issues when you or your teen are upset, tired, or in a hurry. Find a calm and comfortable moment. Avoid sarcasm, criticism, and put-downs. These reactions can destroy trust and lead to conflict. At the same time, involve your teen in setting rules so they feel involved and responsible. Stick to the rules and the consequences for breaking them. Inconsistency can lead to confusion and feelings of injustice. Teens are more likely to accept rules if they understand their purpose and meaning.

Don’t try to control every little thing. Identify priority areas and focus on them. Sometimes the best way to teach is to let your teen face the natural consequences of their actions (if it’s safe, of course). If you feel your emotions are running high, take a time-out. Say that you need a few minutes to calm down and that you’ll come back to the conversation later. Even if you’re feeling irritated, try to speak calmly and avoid aggressive body language.

Be willing to make concessions if possible to find a solution that works for both parties. Parenting a teenager is difficult and emotionally draining. Allow yourself to feel frustrated, angry, or tired. Talk to other parents and friends if you need to.

Be mindful of your own needs. Do things that bring you joy and help you relax. If you are emotionally and physically exhausted, it will be harder for you to remain calm in your interactions with your teenager. Despite conflicts, let your teenager know that you love them and will always be there for them. Remind yourself that adolescence is a temporary stage. Over time, your relationship with your child will change for the better and become more mature.

The ability to respond calmly to external factors and maintain inner peace is an investment in your well-being and quality of life. With time and practice, you can develop greater resilience to stress and maintain inner harmony.

Psychologist's answer: Our teenager takes money without permission. What to do and how to react?

If a child can steal money from his parents, this is a situation that requires a careful and cautious approach.

Talking to a child who stole money requires calm, understanding and support. How to properly conduct such a conversation:

How to calm yourself down:

Important points:

Remember that stealing is a signal that the child needs help. Your task is to understand their needs and support them in overcoming this problem.

A psychologist's answer:How to get out of a state of derealization?

Objects may seem blurry, artificial, flat, or devoid of color. Sounds may seem muffled or, conversely, too loud. Time may be perceived distorted - it can drag on for a very long time or fly by instantly. At the same time, a person realizes that this is only his or her feeling, and reality is actually different. This distinguishes derealization from psychosis, when a person loses touch with reality.

Derealization can occur for various reasons:

There is no one-size-fits-all method for dealing with derealization. It may take time to find the strategies that work best for you.

It is important to note that episodes of derealization can be brief and isolated, especially in response to a stressful situation. However, if feelings of derealization become frequent, prolonged, and interfere with daily life, it is worth seeking help from a professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They will be able to determine the cause and offer appropriate treatment.

Psychologist's answer: How to react to the whims and stubbornness of a four-year-old child?

At this age, children are actively exploring the boundaries of what is permitted, learning to express their emotions and defend their desires. Your task as a parent is to help them go through this stage, remaining calm and teaching constructive ways of behavior.

How to behave in such situations:

Remember that every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be patient, loving, and consistent, and over time your child will learn to better control their emotions and behave in a more constructive way. If you feel that you are struggling to cope with your child’s behavior, don’t hesitate to seek advice from a child psychologist.

Psychologist's answer: How to survive a sudden cessation of communication with a loved one without any explanation?

The situation you describe is called ghosting.
It is the sudden cessation of all communication with someone without warning or explanation. The person who is ghosting simply stops answering calls, texts, emails, and any other attempts to contact them, as if "disappearing like a ghost."
This can happen in any type of relationship: romantic, friendly, family, or even professional. Ghosting often leaves the other party confused, upset, feeling misunderstood, and with a lot of unanswered questions. It can be a very painful and traumatic experience, as it deprives the person of the opportunity to understand what happened and end the relationship in a healthy way.

Why people do it:

How it makes the other party feel:
Confusion. You do not understand what happened, and why the person just disappeared.
Sadness and pain. You feel a sense of loss, even if the relationship was short-lived.
Anger. You may be angry at this person for their immature behavior and lack of respect.
Feeling rejected. You may think that there is something wrong with you if the person simply stopped communicating.
Misunderstanding. You want to know what went wrong, but you’re not getting any answers.
Low self-esteem. You may start to doubt yourself and your attractiveness.

Here are some things that can help you get through ghosting:

Psychologist's answer: A 6-year-old child was diagnosed with ADHD and psycholinguistic developmental delay. How to raise a child correctly, taking into account these features?

It is important to consider the following:

Make sure that the child has undergone a full diagnosis by a child psychiatrist, neurologist, speech therapist, psychologist.
Together with them, develop an individual correction and development plan.
Attend all recommended classes (speech therapy, psychological, neurocorrectional, etc.) and clearly complete homework.

Create a daily routine with clear times for sleep, meals, study, games and walks. Predictability helps children feel safe and reduces anxiety.
Use visual schedules with pictures or photos to help them understand the sequence of actions.
Minimize distractions in the learning and task areas. Provide order so that your child can concentrate more easily.

Strategies for overcoming ADHD:
- Give simple, short, and clear instructions that consist of one or two steps. Make sure your child hears and understands you.
- Break large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Encourage your child after each step is completed.
- Take short breaks during tasks for active movement or quiet activities.
- Provide plenty of opportunities to release energy through active games, sports, and walks.
- Focus on positive aspects of behavior and encourage desired actions with praise and small rewards.
- Rules should be simple, clear, and consistently applied. Consequences for violations should be logical and predictable.
- Sometimes it is best to ignore minor manifestations of hyperactivity or impulsivity, if they are not destructive.
Teach your child to recognize his emotions and impulses, and also offer self-control strategies (for example, deep breathing, counting to ten).

Strategies to support speech development (taking into account ADHD):
- Slowed and clear speech: Talk to your child slowly, clearly articulating words. Use simple sentences.
- Visual support. Actively use pictures, photos, objects, gestures to illustrate speech.
- Speech development games. Play games that stimulate speech: name objects, describe pictures, act out simple scenes, read books with bright illustrations. Do this in short, interesting formats for the child.
- Repeat words and phrases correctly. Ask your child to repeat after you.
- Praise any attempts of the child to speak, even if they are not perfect. Do not interrupt or correct constantly, but gently show the correct option.
- Involve the child in conversations and games on topics that interest him. This will increase his motivation to communicate.
- Ask simple questions that require short answers. Give the child enough time to answer.

General principles of upbringing:

Ask for support.

Thanks to your perseverance, love, and cooperation with specialists, your child will be able to make significant progress in their development and learn to effectively cope with their unique characteristics.

Psychologist's answer: The child is in the second grade. He often refuses to write, and because of this, he has learning problems. Sometimes it seems as if he does it on purpose.

Your concern is understandable. A child's refusal to write in the second grade can be due to various reasons, and it is important to approach this situation with understanding and patience. The idea that the child may do this on purpose can make it difficult to solve this problem.

Why might this be happening?

Try to start by calmly asking the child why he does not want to write. Avoid pressure and criticism. Ask how he feels when he needs to write. Perhaps he will be able to explain his resistance.
Pay attention to how he holds the pen, whether his hand is tense, whether he is focused on something else. Perhaps the writing process causes him physical discomfort.
The teacher can also provide valuable information about the child's behavior in the classroom, his successes and problems with writing, as well as possible observations about the reasons for refusal.
There are probably problems with fine motor skills. Writing requires developed fine motor skills. The child may find it physically difficult to hold a pen, control finger movements, and coordinate hand and eye. This can cause rapid fatigue and irritation.
The child may feel frustrated due to difficulties in recognizing letters, writing words, or formulating thoughts on paper.
The child may associate writing with negative experiences - fear of making mistakes, criticism, pressure from adults.
The child may also not fully understand what is required of him, or feel unable to complete the task.
If the tasks seem uninteresting to the child or too difficult/easy, he may lose motivation to write.
The child may have difficulty concentrating on the writing process due to other factors or attention characteristics. Sometimes refusing to do something can be a way to get attention from adults, especially if the child feels a lack of attention in other areas.
In some cases, refusing can be a way to express protest against the demands of school, homework, or the general situation.

What you can do:

Overcoming difficulties with writing can take some time. Your support and understanding are very important for the child.

Regarding your feeling that she does this intentionally. Although sometimes children can use refusal as a way of manipulation or protest, with regard to writing in the second grade, it is most likely that there are certain difficulties or discomfort behind this.
It is important to approach this situation comprehensively, collaborating with the teacher and, if necessary, with other specialists. Your support and understanding will help the child overcome difficulties.

Psychologist's answer: What to do if I forbid myself to show any emotions?

However, among the most common reasons may be:

What you can try:

Remember that the process of unlocking your emotions can take time and be difficult. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Don’t expect to be able to express all your emotions right away. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them.

Blocking your emotions can lead to anxiety, depression, relationship problems, psychosomatic illnesses, and a general decrease in your quality of life. Therefore, it is important to work on unlocking your emotions and learning healthy ways to express them.

If you feel that this problem is significantly affecting your life, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A psychologist can provide you with the support and tools you need to overcome this difficulty.

Psychologist's answer: I feel very jealous of my husband, who has been defending our country for a year. I can't shake the thought that he is cheating on me.

Let's think together about what you can do with these feelings and thoughts.
The absence of a husband nearby, limited communication, and the inability to know everything about his daily life can give rise to anxiety and fantasies.
The fear of losing a loved one can transform into the fear of losing him emotionally or through another woman.
While at home, you may also feel vulnerable, lonely, and unnecessary, which will only intensify jealousy.
If you or your husband have had an experience of betrayal in a past relationship, this can subconsciously affect your current feelings.
Sometimes stories about betrayals during wartime that may appear in the information space can fuel your fears.

What you can try to do:

Jealousy is often associated with low self-esteem and insecurity. Remind yourself of your strengths and value as a person.
Focus on your accomplishments and the qualities that make you special.
If jealousy becomes too intense and prevents you from functioning normally, seeking help from a counselor can be very helpful.

Remind yourself that your husband is in an extremely difficult situation right now, carrying out an important mission. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, especially at a distance and under such circumstances.
At the same time, your feelings are understandable, and you have the right to feel them. The main thing is to learn to manage them so that they do not destroy your life and your relationship.
Be patient with yourself. This is a difficult time, and it can be difficult to control these emotions. If you feel like you can't cope on your own, don't hesitate to ask for help.

Psychologist's answer: What to do about fatigue from everything? I'm currently on maternity leave, but I work.

Your question is very understandable and reflects the common condition of many women who combine motherhood and work.
The feeling of fatigue that has accumulated during maternity leave may not disappear immediately after going to work, but on the contrary - may intensify due to new responsibilities and the need to adapt.
It is important to realize that your fatigue is a completely normal reaction to a significant workload. Maternity leave, although full of special joys, is also a period of intensive work and responsibility.

The main reasons why maternity leave takes so much strength:

In turn, work adds new demands, social interactions, and the need to switch between different roles.

What can you try to do to help yourself?
Don’t beat yourself up about feeling tired: Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to solving it.
Review your daily routine.
Sleep: Try to get enough sleep (7-9 hours). If possible, take a short nap if it helps you recharge.
Nutrition: Eating a balanced and regular diet will keep you energized. Avoid snacking on the run and focus on nutritious meals.
Exercise: Even a short walk in the fresh air or light physical activity can help relieve stress and improve your mood.
Delegate responsibilities: Talk to your partner or other family members about sharing household chores and childcare. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Getting help is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of self-care.
Schedule time for yourself: Even 15-30 minutes a day dedicated to something that brings you pleasure and helps you relax (reading, music, a bath, a hobby) can significantly improve your emotional state.
Set boundaries: At work, try to clearly distinguish between work and personal time. Don’t stay late unnecessarily and don’t take work home if possible. At home, focus on rest and family.

Seek support: Talk to other mothers who have also returned to work after maternity leave. Sharing experiences and feelings can be very supportive.
Be patient with yourself: Adapting to a new rhythm of life takes time. Don’t expect instant changes. Small steps to improve your well-being will eventually pay off.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help at work: If you feel overwhelmed, talk to your manager about optimizing tasks or distributing responsibilities.
Consider seeking professional help: If your fatigue is unbearable, accompanied by apathy, loss of interest in life, or other distressing symptoms, it may be time to see a psychologist. A professional can help you understand the underlying causes of your condition and develop effective strategies for coping with fatigue and stress.

Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but a necessary condition for your well-being and ability to care for others. Allow yourself to rest, recover, and enjoy life.

Psychologist's answer: How to help a daughter who is withdrawn and afraid of socializing at college?

It's understandable that you're worried about your daughter. When a person withdraws and avoids social interaction, it could be a sign of social anxiety or other emotional distress. This can be especially difficult when she's adjusting to a new environment.
First, try to create a safe and supportive environment for your daughter at home. It's important that she feels your unconditional support, not some kind of pressure or judgment about her behavior. Try to avoid phrases like, "You should be stronger" or "Why are you so shy?"

She may find it easier to start by talking with someone she trusts. For example, if she has a friend or relative she feels comfortable with, invite them to attend a class or event together.

Find out if the college has a mental health service, student support groups, or freshman orientation programs. These can be a great place to start.

If your daughter's shyness and fear of talking are preventing her from functioning well in college, it's important to seek professional help. A psychologist can help her understand the reasons for her anxiety, teach her effective strategies for overcoming fear, and develop communication skills.

Don't force her to communicate if she's not ready. This can only increase her anxiety.

Praise her for her efforts, not her results. Even small steps forward deserve praise. Focus on her efforts, not on how "successfully" she communicated.

It's also important to find out what's causing her anxiety. She may have felt negative attitudes toward her classmates or been in a situation where she felt unsafe. This situation needs to be addressed.

Remember, if you are there and support your daughter, she will definitely be able to overcome these difficulties.

Psychologist's answer: Your feeling of indecision in the face of danger, shelling, despite the understanding that moving is the right decision, is a completely natural reaction to stress. This is not a sign of your weakness, but evidence of the enormous strain that your psyche is experiencing in war conditions.

You are in a state called "mental stupor" or "paralysis of choice." When the level of stress and uncertainty is too high, the brain can "turn off" to protect itself from overload. It's like a computer freezing when it's given too many tasks at once.

Why is it so difficult for you to act?

Even if this "comfort zone" is dangerous now, it's still your hometown, your home, your memories, your routine. The brain craves stability, the idea of leaving all this causes fear of the unknown. The city is part of our identity. Moving can feel like a loss of yourself, of your past.
You don’t know what awaits you in a new place: where to live, how to find a job, whether there will be friends there, how children will adapt (if any). This uncertainty is more frightening than the familiar, albeit dangerous, routine. The brain begins to draw the worst-case scenarios of events in a new place.
Constant shelling, news of war, fear for relatives - all this exhausts the nervous system. When the psyche is overloaded, it loses the ability to plan effectively and make decisions. You may feel emotional exhaustion, apathy, which complicates your choice. Some feel guilty for “leaving” their city, their loved ones, even if it is dangerous to stay. This is an illusory feeling, but it is strong.
The mind says one thing, and feelings say another, creating an internal conflict that blocks action.
The task of “moving” seems the most difficult. When the goal seems too big, we don’t know where to start, and we don’t start at all.
That is why it is important to understand that you should not make a huge leap at once. Move in small, gradual steps. Realize that fear, anxiety, irritation are normal reactions. Do not judge yourself for this. You are in a traumatic situation. Even in this state, you continue to function. This is already a huge strength.
Limit the time you spend watching the news, especially those that cause panic. Choose 1-2 reliable sources of information and check them once a day.
Even a short walk, light exercises can help relieve tension and improve your mood.
Simple deep breathing techniques (for example, breathing "in a square" - inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4) will help calm the nervous system.
The task of "moving" is too big. Break it down into the smallest possible steps.

- Open a map and look at the nearest safe cities.
- Find information about evacuation trains/buses.
- Call a friend who has already moved and ask about their experience.
- Find a group on Telegram/Facebook that helps with finding housing.
- Write a list of things you will take with you.
- The main thing is to start acting.

Don’t think about the whole journey, but only about the nearest, specific step. When you complete it, take the next one. This process of accumulating small successes will give you confidence.
The more you learn about a potential new place (housing, work, school, medicine), the less scary it will seem.
If necessary, seek support. Talk to someone you trust. Discuss your fears with a loved one, friend or relative who has already moved. Simply expressing your feelings can be a relief.
There are support groups for IDPs, groups for Ukrainians abroad or in other cities in Ukraine. There you can find practical information and emotional support.

Clearly formulate for yourself why you need it. Safety is already a sufficient reason. But perhaps there are others - development, peace, the opportunity to plan for the future.
Your indecision is a protective reaction, but you can overcome it. Start small, be kind to yourself, seek support and believe in your ability to adapt. You are already doing a huge job by recognizing the problem. The next step is movement.
Think about which of the steps seems the least scary to you to start taking action right now?

Psychologist's answer: How to help a daughter who is withdrawn and afraid of socializing at college?

Your feelings are completely understandable in such a difficult situation. Jealousy is a strong emotion that can be especially difficult when your husband is far away and going through such a responsible and stressful period as defending the country.

Let's think together about what you can do with these feelings and thoughts.

The absence of a man nearby, limited communication, and the inability to know everything about his daily life can give rise to anxiety and fantasies.

The fear of losing your loved one can transform into the fear of losing them emotionally or through another woman.
Being at home can also make you feel vulnerable, lonely, and unwanted, which will only increase jealousy.

If you or your spouse has experienced betrayal in a past relationship, this may subconsciously influence your current feelings.

Sometimes stories of betrayal during wartime that may appear in the information space can fuel your fears.

What you can try to do:

Where do these thoughts come from? Are there any specific situations or words from your husband that provoke them?

Support and understanding should be mutual, as much as possible in his situation. Try to maintain regular contact (phone calls, messages) when he has the opportunity. This can help reduce feelings of uncertainty.

Remember that you are important too.

Jealousy is often associated with low self-esteem and insecurity. Remind yourself of your strengths and value as an individual.

Focus on your achievements and the qualities that make you special.
If jealousy becomes too intense and prevents you from functioning normally, seeking help from a psychologist can be very helpful.

Remind yourself that your husband is in an extremely difficult situation right now, carrying out an important mission. Trust is the foundation of any relationship, especially at a distance and under such circumstances. At the same time, your feelings are understandable, and you have the right to feel them.

The main thing is to learn to manage them so that they don't ruin your life and your relationships.

Be patient with yourself. This is a difficult time, and it can be difficult to manage these emotions. If you feel like you can't handle it on your own, don't hesitate to reach out for help.

Psychologist's answer: What to do when you're tired of everything? I'm currently on maternity leave, but I'm working.

Your question is very clear and reflects a common condition for many women who combine motherhood and work.

The feeling of fatigue that has accumulated during maternity leave may not disappear immediately after returning to work, but on the contrary, may intensify due to new responsibilities and the need to adapt.

It is important to realize that your fatigue is a completely normal reaction to a significant workload. Maternity leave, although full of special joys, is also a period of intense work and responsibility.

The main reasons why maternity leave takes so much energy:

24/7: A small child needs constant attention 24/7. Feeding, changing diapers, rocking, comforting – these actions are repeated continuously, disrupting the mother’s sleep and rest.

Lack of a clear work schedule: Unlike work with a standardized schedule, childcare has no days off or breaks. The mother is always "on duty."

Unpredictability: A baby's needs can change from minute to minute, requiring the mother to be constantly ready to react and adapt quickly.

Pregnancy and childbirth: The process of pregnancy and childbirth itself is a huge burden on the female body, and recovery from them takes time and effort.

Sleep deprivation: Chronic lack of sleep due to nighttime feedings and waking up is one of the main causes of exhaustion.

Physical labor: Carrying a child, rocking, and constant bending and lifting create significant physical strain on the back, arms, and legs.

Hormonal changes: After giving birth, a woman's hormonal background undergoes significant changes, which can affect energy levels and emotional state.

Constant anxiety and responsibility: A mother is fully responsible for the life and health of her child, which can cause a constant feeling of anxiety and stress.

Emotional instability: Hormonal fluctuations, lack of sleep, and constant stress can lead to emotional lability, irritability, and tearfulness.

Social isolation: Especially in the early stages of motherhood, a woman may feel disconnected from her usual social life, communication with colleagues and friends.

Loss of Identity: Transitioning into the role of mother can lead to a temporary loss of a sense of self-identity outside of motherhood.

Information overload: The pile of often conflicting information about raising children can cause confusion and additional stress.

Lack of personal time: Limited time for one's own needs and interests leads to feelings of depression and exhaustion.

Continuous learning and decision-making: A young mother is constantly learning to understand her child's needs and make decisions about her child's care and development.

Monotony: The routine tasks involved in caring for a child can be monotonous and mentally exhausting.

The need to be always alert: Constant vigilance and readiness to respond to the child's needs keeps the mind in constant tension.

In turn, work adds new demands, social interaction, and the need to switch between different roles.

What can you try to implement to alleviate your condition?

Remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish, but a necessary condition for your well-being and ability to care for others. Allow yourself to rest, recover, and enjoy life.

Psychologist's answer: How to help a daughter who is withdrawn and afraid of socializing at college?

It's understandable that you're worried about your daughter. When a person withdraws into themselves and avoids social interaction, it can be a sign of social anxiety or other emotional distress. This is especially difficult when they are adjusting to a new environment.

If you had similar problems when you were younger, you can briefly talk about it. This will help her feel that she is not alone.
Also, praise activities that she enjoys, even if they are not related to communication. This will help her feel more confident.
Start small and do not expect her to immediately start actively communicating. Suggest that she try small steps, for example, simply saying hello to the teacher or nodding to a classmate.
If she feels afraid of talking, help her prepare a few simple phrases to start the conversation, for example: "Hi, how are you?", "Can I ask a question about this assignment?". You can "rehearse" different social situations at home so that she feels more prepared.

She may find it easier to pair up with someone she trusts first.

For example, if she has a friend or relative she feels comfortable with, suggest they go to a class or event together.

Find out if your college has a counseling service, student support groups, or orientation programs for first-year students. These can be a great place to start.

If isolation and fear of communication prevent your daughter from functioning normally in college, it is very important to consult a specialist.

A psychologist can help her understand the causes of her anxiety, teach her effective strategies for overcoming fear, and develop communication skills.

It is also important to find out the reasons that cause her anxiety. She probably felt a negative attitude towards her classmates or got into a situation where she felt insecure. Here the situation needs to be resolved.

Remember, if you are there and support your daughter, she will definitely be able to overcome these difficulties.

Psychologist's answer: How to start living your life based on your own values ​​and desires, not your parents' expectations?

This is a very important and common desire to start living your life based on your own values ​​and desires, rather than your parents' expectations. The fact that you are aware of this problem and are eager to change is already a huge step forward.

This is a path to greater autonomy and self-realization.

This process will not be quick or easy. It will require patience, consistency, and self-awareness. There will be times when you feel guilty or self-doubt. That is normal. The important thing is to keep moving towards your goal of living a life that aligns with your values ​​and brings you joy.

Remember that you have already taken a huge step by realizing this desire.

Psychologist's answer: How to make living together of several generations under one roof more comfortable? Forced to live together due to the loss of their homes.

It is understandable that having multiple generations living together under one roof, especially in difficult circumstances such as war and forced displacement, poses many challenges.

Conflicts in everyday life, disagreements in raising children are a normal phenomenon when the usual way of life changes.

So let's try to figure out how to improve relationships and minimize conflicts if it is not possible to live separately.

Once or twice a week, you can have a short family meeting where everyone can express their wishes, suggestions, or comments about living together. This may seem formal, but it helps to defuse the atmosphere before conflict occurs.

Even if grandparents want to "spare" their grandchildren, it's worth gently reminding them of the agreed-upon rules.

You can offer a compromise: "Let's do it this way today, but tomorrow we'll do it according to the rules."

You all find yourself in a difficult situation through no fault of your own. The stress of war and relocation affects everyone. Try to be patient and understand that everyone experiences it in their own way. Even if there are conflicts, remember that your parents are most likely doing everything they can to help you.

Express your gratitude to them.

If you feel that tension is building, try going for a walk, even for a short time, to "recharge."

Parents can do the same. Spend time away from home sometimes so that everyone can take a break from each other.

Living together is a kind of compromise. The main thing is to remember that you are all in the same boat now, and supporting each other is the most important thing.

Try to implement these tips step by step.

Is there a specific area where conflicts arise most often, for example, over raising children, or something else? This will help give more specific advice.

Psychologist's answer:How to help a 9-year-old son become confident after moving, when he avoids communicating with peers and prefers virtual communication?

Your feelings are completely understandable. Moving is a big stress for a child, and it takes time to adjust. Your son's "escape" to the virtual world may be his way of coping with anxiety and uncertainty. Let's determine what steps you can take to support him:

Try to enroll your son in clubs, groups or clubs for interests. Football, chess, robotics, drawing - a common hobby is a great "town" for friendship.
Suggest that he invite one of his new acquaintances to his house. Even a short meeting with board games can develop into friendship.

Look for his "strengths". Think about what your son is good at? Is he a great painter, a quick maths player, or does he like to help you around the house? Focus on this. Let him feel his worth even outside of socialising.
Let him make decisions. Give him a little responsibility, for example, choosing where to go on the weekend or what to cook for dinner. This gives him a sense of control over the situation and increases his confidence.

Psychologist's answer:After my husband was discharged from the military, I felt like we had become completely different people. What should I do about it?

Feeling like you and your husband have become different people after his discharge from the military is a very common, painful, and complex problem that many families face. It is not just a "relationship crisis," but a consequence of profound changes that have occurred to both him and you during his absence.

Why does this happen?
The military experience changes a person. Your husband has gone through difficult trials that have formed new values, habits, and worldviews. What was important before may seem trivial to him, and new priorities may be incomprehensible to you.
You have changed too. While he was away at war, you have taken on new roles, become stronger, and learned to make decisions for yourself. Your life has moved on, and you have evolved as a person.
Returning from war is not just "coming home." It is a transition from a state of constant combat readiness to life in the rear, which takes time and effort. He may feel confused, isolated, or misunderstood in everyday situations.

You have lived different lives and now you have no shared memories of that time. This creates a “gap” that needs to be bridged.

What to do about it?
Rebuilding a relationship after being discharged from the military requires patience, openness, and mutual work.

Use “I-messages.” Instead of “you’ve become different,” say, “I feel confused because I feel like we’ve lost touch.” This helps avoid accusations and makes the conversation more constructive.
Be patient. He may not be ready to share right away. His silence is not indifference, but often a sign that he is having a hard time finding words for his feelings.

Start small. You can offer to cook dinner together, have coffee in the morning without gadgets, or just take a walk in the park. These small steps restore a sense of closeness.

Even if he doesn't talk about it, his military career is a part of him. Recognize his courage and what he has experienced without devaluing his experience.

Psychologist's answer:After my husband was discharged from the military, I felt like we had become completely different people. What should I do about it?

Your pain and despair are understandable. Experiencing the loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult life experiences, and at such a moment the need for support and closeness becomes critically important. When the person you trust the most not only does not support, but also betrays you, it destroys not only the relationship, but also the sense of your own worth.

What you are experiencing is not just a temporary insult. This is a deep trauma that has touched your most vulnerable places associated with childhood experiences. Your feelings are not useless, they are a completely logical reaction to what happened.

When a loved one swears, but your inner feelings say otherwise, this creates a huge cognitive dissonance. This constant “is it true?” eats away from the inside.
You have experienced the greatest grief, and at this time instead of support you received distance. It makes you feel unimportant, devalued, and this thought becomes very painful. No matter how successful and beautiful you are, betrayal hits your self-esteem. You start comparing yourself to others, looking for flaws in yourself, as if it were your fault, not his.
Your husband's behavior has heightened your childhood fear of being abandoned to the max, and now you are afraid that you will be abandoned again, as you may have felt "abandoned" by your parents.

That is why your situation requires caution and attention to yourself. First of all, do not blame yourself. You are not responsible for his behavior. His actions are his choice.

Your self-realization and beauty are your strength. Pay attention to your hobbies, work, friends. Find sources of joy that do not depend on your husband. This will help you restore your sense of self-importance.

Do not do anything that you will regret later. Your thoughts of despair are a signal that you are on the verge. However, you have every opportunity to get out of this state. Your life is your value. Even if it seems to you that everything is falling apart, it is not. On the contrary, this can be the beginning of the path to recovery and finding yourself.

Psychologist's answer:How to stop stress from eating you up?

The problem of stress eating is a very common and complex behavioral response that has deep psychological roots. It is not just a lack of willpower, but rather an attempt by the brain to cope with emotional discomfort with the help of the simplest and most accessible tool - food.

When we feel stressed, our body releases cortisol - a stress hormone. It increases appetite, especially for foods high in sugar, fat and salt, because such foods give an instant feeling of satisfaction and temporarily reduce anxiety. The brain perceives this effect as a reward and forms the connection: "Stress - Food - I feel better". Over time, this mechanism becomes automatic.

Stages of overcoming the habit of stress eating
1. Recognition and awareness. Keep a diary. For several days or weeks, write down what you eat, when you eat it, and how you felt at that moment (anxiety, sadness, boredom, anger). This will help you identify triggers and the connection between emotions and food.
Distinguish between physical and emotional hunger. Physical hunger builds up gradually and can be satisfied with any food. Emotional hunger comes on suddenly, requires a specific product (chocolate, chips, ice cream) and does not disappear even after you have eaten enough.
2. Work with emotions. Find alternative mechanisms. Before reaching for food, pause and ask yourself: "What am I really feeling?" Then try another way to cope with this feeling.
Options:

3. Planning and preparation. Remove trigger foods. Avoid keeping sweets, chips, and other foods that you associate with stress at home.
Create a healthy emergency supply. Keep healthy snacks on hand: fruit, nuts, yogurt, veggie sticks.
Drink water. We often confuse thirst with hunger. Drink a glass of water before eating.
4. Support and self-compassion. Forgive yourself for your failures. If you do eat something because of stress, don't blame yourself. It's not a defeat, but part of the learning process. The main thing is not to give up.
If you feel that you cannot cope on your own, do not hesitate to contact a psychologist. A specialist will help you find the root causes of the problem and develop an individual action plan.

Important tips for every day
- Stick to a sleep schedule. Lack of sleep increases the level of cortisol and the hunger hormone.
- Practice mindful eating. Eat slowly, enjoying every bite. Pay attention to the taste, smell and texture of food. This helps you feel full and avoid overeating.

Psychologist’s answer:My husband was mobilized. I started wanting to file for divorce. I have a severe headache.

Your request is very personal and, without a doubt, requires deep understanding. When you say that your husband was mobilized, your head hurts, and you want to divorce — this is not a sign of weakness or a lack of love. This is a cry for help from your psyche, which is trying to cope with an incredible load.

Your physical pain is a psychosomatic reaction. Psychosomatics is the connection between the psyche and the body. Your brain and body cannot withstand such an amount of stress, fear, and uncertainty.

Head pain is a signal that your nervous system is working at the limit of its capabilities.
And the desire to divorce is not about love or not loving. It is a protective mechanism of the psyche. Imagine that you are carrying a very heavy load. A husband going to the front is a huge burden of anxiety, fear, and danger. And your psyche, exhausted by this load, wants to drop that burden simply to survive.

Why does the psyche choose this path?
You cannot control what is happening to him at the front. This causes despair and a feeling of helplessness. The desire to divorce gives you the illusion of control — you seem to be making the decision yourself, and this reduces your feeling of powerlessness.

Your relationship with your husband has become a source of constant pain. You think about him every day, worry, and this does not let you live calmly. The psyche wants to break this connection in order to stop the pain. This is similar to how a person jerks their hand away from something hot — it is an instinct of self-preservation.

You have probably already experienced many negative emotions — from shock and fear to sadness and loneliness. This is emotional exhaustion. And when a person is exhausted, they want it all to end. Divorce seems like the fastest way.

First of all, do not make any important decisions. This is the most important thing. Your condition does not allow you to think rationally. Right now you are guided by the instinct of self-preservation, not by common sense.

Find in your life what will bring you peace and comfort. It can be a hobby, walks in the park, reading, watching your favorite movies. Do not blame yourself for this — it is not a sign of indifference, it is a way to save yourself from pain.
A specialist will help you sort out your feelings, teach you how to cope with anxiety, and help you find inner support. Talking with a professional is an important step toward healing.

If possible, find a moment for an honest conversation. Tell him about your condition. This will help both of you understand what you are going through. Your feelings are part of what happens to military families, and it needs to be talked about.

Psychologist’s answer:Is it normal that I want to take a break from my own children?

Your desire to take a break from your own children is not only normal, but also vital for your physical and emotional health.

Let’s break down why this happens and what to do about it.

Parenthood is constant, intensive work, which requires flexibility, patience, and constant emotional involvement. Just imagine:

• You are constantly “on call” with your children’s emotions: joys, tears, tantrums, resentments — you let all of it pass through you.
• You feel responsible for everything: safety, development, the child’s future — this creates constant inner tension.
• Your life no longer belongs only to you — your time, interests, and hobbies are adjusted around the children. Without time for yourself, emotional exhaustion arises.

All of this can lead to parental burnout — a state of deep physical and emotional fatigue.

Why taking a break from children is an expression of love?

• Quality, not quantity: 15 minutes of calm attention is better than an hour of irritated interaction.

• A healthy example: children see that parents take care of themselves — this is an important skill for the future.
• Fewer conflicts: rested parents are calmer and respond better to a child’s whims and needs.

How to organize rest without guilt

1. Let go of the idea of perfect parenting. Perfect parents do not exist — there are real parents who can get tired.

2. Agree on “time for yourself”. With a partner or loved ones — regular personal space is important.
3. Involve grandparents. They are often happy to help, and you will get time to recover.
4. A nanny for a few hours is an investment in health. Even 1–2 hours a week for yourself can change your state.
5. Short “oases of calm”. 10–15 minutes of silence is already a lot. Tea, music, a book — anything works.
6. Allow yourself “imperfect” parenting. Ordering pizza or allowing cartoons — that is normal.

Remember: your desire to rest is not selfishness, but self-care. And self-care is also care for your children.

Psychologist’s answer:Why am I angry at my child even though I love them very much?

You love your child, but sometimes you get angry at them — this is absolutely normal and a common feeling. It does not mean you are a bad parent. In fact, it shows the depth of your emotions and that you care a lot about your child.

Reasons why you get angry at your child
There are several main reasons that can cause anger, even if you love your child very much. You are likely constantly under stress because of work, household responsibilities, financial issues, or other life problems. When a child’s constant needs and demands are added to this, your nervous system may simply not be able to cope. You may react to little things that at another time would not have irritated you.
You may expect your child to behave perfectly, to listen the first time, to clean up after themselves without reminders. But children are not little adults. They need time to learn to control their emotions and follow rules. When their behavior does not meet your expectations, you may feel frustration and anger.
Sometimes you may feel that you cannot get through to your child, that they do not hear you or ignore you. This can cause a feeling of helplessness, which often turns into anger.
Perhaps in your own childhood your parents behaved with you in a similar way, and you unconsciously repeat these patterns of behavior, even if you do not want to.

What to do to manage your anger

• When you feel that you are starting to get angry, take a deep breath and pause. Step into another room for a few minutes to calm down. Even 30 seconds can help you avoid an impulsive reaction.
• Don’t try to do everything on your own. If possible, ask for help from a partner, relatives, or friends. Share your feelings and responsibilities — this significantly reduces stress levels.
• Find time for yourself. Even 15–30 minutes every day for a favorite hobby, reading, a walk, or simply being alone. This will help you restore your strength and gain patience.
• Remember that children learn through trial and error. Instead of getting angry at your child for scattered toys, you can turn it into a game: "Come on, who can clean up this pile of toys faster?".
• When you have calmed down, explain to your child why you are upset, but do it calmly, without yelling. For example, you can say: "It really hurts me when I ask you to clean up and you don’t hear me. It makes me sad".

Psychologist’s answer:What should I do if I have the need to control everything? I feel intense anxiety when I loosen control.

Your desire to control everything, and the anxiety that arises when you lose control, is a very common phenomenon. Many people experience similar emotions. Usually, anxiety and the need for total control are protective mechanisms of the psyche that arise as a response to feelings of insecurity, uncertainty, or fear. You believe that if you control everything, you can prevent misfortunes or troubles. However, this feeling is illusory, and it can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion.

Why do we want to control everything?

Anxiety about the unknown. Uncertainty is something that causes discomfort for many people. The desire for control helps create the illusion of predictability and safety.

Low self-esteem. Sometimes the need to control everything around you arises because of doubts about your abilities. We are afraid that if something goes wrong, we will not be able to cope. That is why we try to control all factors to reduce the risk of failure.

Negative experience. If in the past there were events in your life when you could not control anything and it led to painful consequences, the brain may develop a protective reaction to prevent repetition of such an experience.

The most important thing you can do is realize that you cannot control everything in your life. But you can control your reaction to what is happening.

Determine what you truly can control. Create two lists: one of things you can control (for example, your actions, thoughts, reactions), and the other — of what you cannot control (other people’s behavior, their thoughts, events that have already happened).

Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness exercises help you be "here and now," rather than thinking about future events that may not go according to plan. Try breathing exercises. When you feel anxiety, focus on your breathing: a deep inhale, a deep exhale.

Start small. Consciously let go of control in minor situations. For example, allow someone else to choose a movie to watch, or let your partner fully organize dinner. At first this may be uncomfortable, but over time you will see that nothing terrible happened.

Work with anxiety. When you feel that anxiety is rising, stop and analyze it. Ask yourself: "What is the worst that can happen?", "Does my anxiety truly correspond to a real threat?". You will see that fears are exaggerated.

Allow yourself to make mistakes. Making mistakes is normal. It is part of the human experience that allows us to grow and develop. If you allow yourself to make mistakes, you will take a big load off yourself and reduce the need for total control.

See a specialist. If anxiety becomes unbearable and interferes with your ability to live a full life, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you find the root cause of anxiety and teach you effective techniques for coping with it.

Letting go of control is not a sign of weakness, but strength and courage. It is a path to freedom, to the ability to live more lightly and enjoy the moment. It is a gradual process that takes time and patience, but it is worth it.

Psychologist’s answer:How can I maintain balance when what’s happening around me causes irritation?

When there is no calm around — whether it is war, financial instability, or constant chaos at work — coping with your emotions becomes much harder. This happens because external chaos directly attacks our basic need for safety and predictability. Our brain constantly scans the environment for threats, and when the world becomes unpredictable, it switches into a mode of chronic anxiety, activating the "fight or flight" response. In this state, the nervous system is constantly overloaded; it’s as if an endless siren is always on, preparing for the worst. As a result, even the smallest thing — a loud sound or someone’s careless word — is perceived not simply as an irritant, but as yet another danger signal that triggers an excessively sharp reaction — an outburst of irritation or anger.

The difficulty in maintaining balance in chaos is also explained by the depletion of internal resources. Emotional self-regulation is an energy-consuming process. To stay calm, you need to make an effort, to "spend" mental energy on restraint, analysis, and rethinking emotions. But when everything around constantly generates stress, our internal "battery" does not have time to recharge and only keeps discharging. We feel that our ability to concentrate, be patient, and control ourselves is exhausted. In such a state, the brain simply has no strength to calmly process the situation. It automatically reacts with a flare of emotion, like an overworked mechanism that can no longer operate smoothly and quietly. This is how external instability leads to internal instability and heightened sensitivity to any, even the smallest, irritants.

To learn to cope with these emotions and maintain calm and balance, it is worth applying a few simple but effective steps.

First of all, pause. When you feel irritation rising — stop. If possible, step away for a few minutes from the source of irritation. This will give you time to "reset." You can go out for fresh air, take a walk, or simply close your eyes.

The next important step is breathing. Deep and slow breathing is the fastest way to calm the nervous system. Try this technique: take a deep inhale through the nose for a count of 4, hold your breath for 7 counts, and slowly exhale through the mouth for 8 counts. Repeat this 5–6 times. This will slow your heartbeat and help you gather your thoughts.

Next, it is worth identifying the true cause of your state. Often, small things irritate us, but in reality something more serious is behind it: fatigue, hunger, lack of sleep, an unresolved problem, or internal stress. Ask yourself: "Why does this make me so angry? What is really going on with me?" Sometimes recognizing the root of the problem already eases the state.

Physical activity also helps a lot. Accumulated anger and stress need to be "released" from the body. Even 10–15 minutes of active movement, such as a brisk walk, a light workout, dancing, or simply intense stretching, promotes the production of happiness hormones and improves mood. If you have no opportunity to move, try the tapping technique: gently tap your palms on your legs or collarbones for 1–2 minutes.

If irritation is directed at a specific person or situation, try to reframe the situation. Ask yourself: "Is this really that important in the bigger picture of my life? Can I change it?" Sometimes, accepting what you cannot control frees you from extra tension. If you need to voice a complaint, use "I-messages": instead of "you annoy me," say "I feel irritated when [describe the situation]".

To maintain overall balance, it is important to take regular care of yourself. This means sufficient sleep, balanced nutrition, limiting coffee and alcohol, and making sure to set aside time for favorite activities (hobbies, reading, music, meditation). Self-care is not a luxury, but a necessity for a resilient psyche. If you are rested and have inner resources, small things will irritate you much less.

Psychologist’s answer:Why do I feel lonely among people?

Even when there are many people around, a person can feel deep and painful loneliness, and this phenomenon has psychological reasons that do not depend on others’ physical presence. Such loneliness is emotional or social isolation, and it is the result not of a lack of contacts, but of a lack of deep understanding.

The main reason lies in insufficient relationship quality. A person may have a large circle of acquaintances, colleagues, or even friends for superficial interaction (shared events, discussing news, etc.), but if among them there is not a single person with whom you can be real, vulnerable, and discuss your most hidden fears, doubts, or dreams — a feeling arises that you are "alone in a crowd." It’s like being in a room where everyone speaks different languages and no one understands yours. The brain registers physical presence, but does not register emotional resonance and empathy, which are vital for mental well-being.

Another important factor is a feeling of mismatch or "masking." Often a person who feels lonely in a crowd hides their true personality, feelings, or problems out of fear of judgment or rejection. They create a "facade" around themselves that seems ideal to others, but this facade is a barrier to real connection. The more a person plays a role, the farther they move away from their true "Self," and the stronger they feel that people love or accept their mask rather than them. This inner conflict leads to a feeling of deep isolation: after all, no one around them knows the real them, so no one can support or understand them.

In addition, loneliness in a crowd can be related to deep internal beliefs and attachment style. If a person has low self-esteem or has experienced traumatic events in the past, they may unconsciously sabotage closeness, pushing people away even when they try to get closer. A subconscious fear of being abandoned or hurt makes them keep emotional distance, which paradoxically intensifies the feeling of loneliness. People around may be open to friendship, but an inner protective mechanism does not allow them to feel this closeness and balance. Therefore, loneliness is not so much an external problem as an internal state caused by a lack of real intimacy and a fear of vulnerability.

To overcome the feeling of loneliness when many people are around, it is necessary to shift the focus from the number of contacts to their quality and begin consciously working on inner openness. Start by practicing vulnerability in a safe environment. Choose one person you more or less trust, and try to share with them something real, not superficial — for example, your current emotion or fear, not just a retelling of events. This should not be a complaint, but a self-disclosure that creates a bridge for a deeper connection. Remember that true closeness arises only where there is a willingness to show your imperfection, because this allows the other person to see and accept you, not the "mask" you wear.

The next important step is active participation and genuine interest in others. Loneliness is often maintained by the fact that we are too focused on our inner experiences and on how much we are seen or understood. Try to change this dynamic: during a conversation, truly listen to the other person, asking open questions about their feelings, experiences, and views, rather than simply waiting for your turn to speak. This not only shows your attention, but also helps you realize that other people also have their own difficulties and inner worlds, which breaks the feeling that only you are "different." Look for shared values and deeper topics for discussion, rather than limiting yourself to empty talk about the weather or work.

And finally, it is critically important to work on self-perception and self-respect. Very often loneliness in a crowd reflects that we feel not good enough or not worthy of closeness. Begin to consciously counter your inner critic: practice self-compassion and realize that your value does not depend on approval or the number of friends. When you cultivate a healthy sense of self-worth and learn to be comfortable with yourself, you stop seeking external confirmation of your significance. This reduces pressure on new relationships, allowing them to develop more naturally and healthily, and gives inner support thanks to which you no longer feel isolated even when you are alone.

Psychologist’s answer:How can I cope with the fear of changing professions?

The fear of changing professions is a common and completely normal phenomenon. It lies in our fear of the unknown, loss of stability, and possible failure. This fear can paralyze, but it needs to be worked with.

Fear of changing jobs arises from several psychological reasons. Our current job, whatever it may be, gives us a sense of security. We have a stable income, a familiar schedule, and clear responsibilities. Changing professions is a leap into the unknown, where there are no guarantees of success.
Many people fear that in a new job they will turn out to be insufficiently qualified or unable to meet the requirements. This inner voice says: "You won’t cope", "You’re not good enough".

We fear that our decision will be judged by relatives, friends, or colleagues. The thought that someone will say: "I told you it was a bad idea", can stop us.
We do not know whether we will like the new job or feel comfortable there. This uncertainty is frightening.

To overcome fear, you need to act consciously, step by step:

1. Give yourself time to honestly answer the questions: "Why do I want to change professions?", "What exactly doesn’t suit me?", "What do I want to get instead?". Perhaps you will realize that you are simply burned out and need a vacation.
2. Don’t try to quit right away. Start small: take an online course, talk to people in the field that interests you, try taking on a small project to understand whether it is really yours. This will help you feel the ground under your feet and gain confidence.
3. If you are afraid you won’t have money, make a financial plan. How much money do you need for the first few months? Can you set aside part of your funds? This plan will help you feel more protected.
4. Remember that any experience, even if it did not end in success, is valuable. Mistakes are part of life, not a catastrophe. Even if the new job does not suit you, you can always return or look for something else.
5. Instead of thinking about what you lack, focus on what you can do. Make a list of your strengths and skills that you can use in the new field.
6. Share your fears with people you trust. A friend, partner, or psychologist can support you and help you look at the situation from a different angle.

Changing professions is not only a risk, but also a great opportunity for personal growth. Don’t let fear stop you from living the life you dream of.

Psychologist’s answer:How can I understand when I should give in, and when I should keep fighting?

This question is about a very subtle boundary between when you should stand your ground and when you should let a situation go. And this is not just life wisdom, but a sign of inner maturity. After all, many people confuse being principled with being stubborn, and flexibility with weakness. In reality, both can be a manifestation of strength if they have the right foundation.

There are moments when you must not give in. These are situations where your values, dignity, sense of inner integrity, or health are at stake. If someone forces you to do something dishonest, unfair, or something that contradicts your understanding of what is right — giving in becomes a betrayal of yourself. It leaves an inner feeling of emptiness and bitterness, even if outwardly everything looks fine. Such compromises never end well, because they destroy self-respect.

Likewise, you cannot tolerate what harms your physical or mental health. If relationships, work, or any other area of life exhaust you, drain your strength, make you live in constant tension or fear — this is a signal to fight for yourself. This does not mean to conflict; it means setting clear boundaries, saying "no" where you previously stayed silent, and allowing yourself a choice. Because dignity and safety are not a privilege, but a basic need of every person.

You should also fight for your deep dreams and meanings. Sometimes it seems easier to give something up in order to keep peace or avoid conflict. But if it is a dream without which you cannot imagine your life — giving it up will turn into long-term disappointment. For example, if a person has always dreamed of education, creativity, parenthood, or their own business, but sacrifices it for someone else — over time resentment and pain will accumulate. In such situations it is worth fighting — calmly, confidently, without shouting, but firmly. That is real strength.

At the same time, not every fight is necessary. There are things that are not worth our energy. In everyday life we often argue over small things — who will clean up, where to go on vacation, which series to watch. These are not situations where it is worth proving you are right. Giving in here is a manifestation of love and understanding. It says: "I see that this matters to you, so I’m willing to step back." This is not a loss, but a gesture of care. Mutual respect is born in such small things.

Flexibility is also needed when the price of fighting becomes too high. It happens that you are right, but by continuing to insist, you lose relationships, trust, or peace. Sometimes giving in is not defeat, but a strategic choice. You preserve strength for what truly matters and do not allow small conflicts to destroy the main thing.

There is another boundary of flexibility — the ability to see the pain and needs of another person. When you understand that something is very important to them and not important to you, giving in becomes a gift. It does not humiliate you; on the contrary, it shows the depth of your love. Because sometimes supporting someone in their joy or an important event is the best way to preserve closeness.

To figure out when to fight and when to give in, you can use a simple inner guideline. Ask yourself three questions:

• Does this affect my core values, dignity, or health? If yes — it is worth standing your ground.
• What is the cost of this fight? If it destroys relationships or takes all your resources — perhaps it is worth letting go.
• What will I gain if I give in? If it will preserve peace, calm, and love — then this concession makes sense.

A mature person is not someone who is always unyielding, and not someone who pleases everyone. It is someone who understands when firmness is about dignity and when it is about fear. And when concession is a sign of strength, not weakness. True wisdom lies in remaining flexible in small things, but unbreakable in what matters most.

Psychologist’s answer:Lately I’ve been having difficulty breathing — as if I can’t take a full breath. Against this background, I previously had panic attacks. What could this be related to, and how can I help myself?

The feeling of not being able to take a full breath can undoubtedly be very тревожное — as if the body “gets stuck” somewhere between inhaling and exhaling. This often happens when the body is in a state of chronic tension or has experienced prolonged stress, as happens with the military — emotionally, physically, psychologically.

During anxiety or panic attacks the body switches into “survival” mode: breathing becomes shallow and chest-based, the heart beats faster, and muscles tense up to be ready to act. But when this state drags on — even after the threat is no longer present — the body still “remembers” the danger. The muscles of the chest and the diaphragm remain constricted, and it feels as if taking a deep breath is simply impossible.
Here it is important not to force yourself to “breathe correctly” by sheer will, because that can only intensify the feeling of control and tension. It is better to try very slowly and gently to return a sense of safety to the body. For example:

• try not to focus on the inhale, but on a slow, long exhale;
• you can place your palm on your chest or belly and simply observe how the body breathes on its own;
• if there is space — move your shoulders, neck, chest so the body gradually remembers that it can relax;
• and even a few minutes of calm in silence or in nature can help the nervous system “switch” from tension to calm.

It is also important to remember that if there have been panic attacks — this is not “weakness,” but a reaction of the nervous system that has been under a heavy load for a long time. This can be worked with in therapy: helping the body feel safe again and teaching it to gradually exit a state of constant combat readiness.
The fact that you notice your condition and seek help is already a big step toward recovery.

I suggest a few techniques that help gently calm the nervous system and return a sense of control and safety to the body.

1. “Extended exhale” breathing
   This technique helps relieve tension and calm the heart.
   
   Sit or stand so that your back is relatively straight, but not tense.
   
   Take a short, natural inhale through the nose (about a count of 3).
   
   Then make a slow, long exhale through the mouth (for a count of 5–6).
   
   It is important not to force the inhale — the focus is on the long, smooth exhale.
   
   After a few minutes of this rhythm, the nervous system starts receiving the signal: “the danger has passed, you can relax.”
2. Breathing into the palm
   This works well when you feel the body is tense or you cannot take a deep breath.
   
   Place your palm on your chest or belly.
   
   Do not try to inhale deeper — simply observe how your palm moves slightly with the breath.
   
   You can imagine that with each inhale you fill the space under your palm with warmth, and with each exhale you allow the tension to slowly flow downward.
   
   This helps restore contact with the body and breathing without pressure or control.
3. Box breathing
   This technique is often used by the military to stabilize the state.
   
   Inhale — 4 seconds
   Hold — 4 seconds
   Exhale — 4 seconds
   Hold after exhale — 4 seconds
   
   Repeat several cycles. This rhythmic pattern helps the brain “switch on” calm and focus.
4. Grounding technique “5–4–3–2–1”
   When you feel panic, anxiety, or “disconnection” from the body:
   
   5 things you can see around you (for example: a wall, a tree, a cup, a book, a window).
   4 things you can feel with your body (the chair under you, air on your skin, clothing, the floor under your feet).
   3 sounds you can hear (wind, voices, machine noise).
   2 smells you can sense (coffee, soap, fresh air).
   1 thing you can taste or imagine the taste of (water, tea, chewing gum).
   
   This brings you back “here and now” when your mind is racing with thoughts or memories.
5. Point of support
   When you want to calm down quickly — find a point in the body that is least tense right now. It can be a foot, a palm, or even part of the back.
   
   Focus your attention on that area and as if “breathe through it” — inhale calm, exhale tension.

Psychologist’s answer:How to preserve a relationship when my partner категорично wants a child, and I do not?

This is one of the most difficult and most painful situations a couple can face — when the desire to have a child does not match. After all, it is not just about everyday life or plans, but about the meaning of life, about a deep human need — continuation, love, care, or, on the contrary, about the desire to live your own way, without limitations and responsibilities you are not ready for yet. When one partner dreams of a child and the other is категорично against it — it really is like a time bomb that gradually undermines trust, closeness, and a shared vision of the future.

To try to preserve the relationship, the first thing you need to do is talk honestly — not in the format of a quarrel or mutual accusations, but in the format of a real dialogue. It is important not to prove “who is right,” and not to try to convince each other, but to truly understand — why each of you feels this way. The partner who wants a child needs to honestly explain what is behind this desire: whether it is a sense of calling, a desire to share love, fear of being left alone, or a feeling that life without children will be incomplete. And the partner who does not want a child should, with the same honesty, share their reasons — perhaps there is fear of losing freedom, independence, not enough support, or simply there is no inner sense of readiness yet. Often, refusing parenthood does not mean the person is “selfish” or “cold” — they are simply honest with themselves in their “now.”

This conversation is not meant to solve everything at once, but to create a space where you can see each other’s true motives. Because behind wanting and not wanting there is not just “yes” or “no,” but entire worlds — values, fears, childhood experiences, ideas about love and care. If you manage to reach this level of sincerity, a chance for understanding will already appear.

The next step is to look honestly at reality. Try to discuss how vital this question is for each of you. If for your partner the desire to have a child is not just a dream but the meaning of life, and without it they do not see a future, then, as painful as the truth may be, you will have to admit that your paths may indeed diverge. If, on the contrary, your “no” is firm, deep, and honest, then staying in a relationship where you will constantly be pressured to change your mind will be destructive for both you and your partner. In such situations, a forced compromise only postpones the pain — the one who agrees against themselves risks losing respect for themselves, and the one who gives up their dream may carry resentment for years. Sometimes the most honest decision is not to stay at any cost, but to part with respect, allowing each other to have your own life.

If both partners feel they do not want to lose the relationship and are ready to seek other forms of fulfilling the need for care, then it makes sense to explore alternatives. Sometimes the one who wants a child is actually longing to share love, to feel closeness. This can be fulfilled not only through parenthood — through volunteering, working with children, mentoring, adopting an older child, or simply through deeper care for a partner, family, friends, animals. It is important that both of you see and acknowledge this need, even if you fulfill it differently.
In any case, the main thing is not to betray yourself. Relationships are built on shared values and an aligned vision of the future. If a crack appears in this foundation, it can be strengthened only by sincerity and respect. Do not stay silent, do not pressure, do not manipulate, but listen and talk about what matters most. And if it is hard for both of you to go through this path on your own — do not be afraid to consult a family psychologist. This is not a sign of weakness, but maturity. Such a conversation in the presence of a specialist can help both of you better understand your deeper motives, find words for painful things, and possibly make the hardest decision — to stay or to let go — with dignity, without destroying each other.

Psychologist’s answer:How to overcome kleptomania?

Thank you for sharing this. It is very valuable that you are seeking help — this is already an important step toward change. Kleptomania is not bad behavior or a weakness of character. Most often, behind it there is strong inner tension, stress, suppressed feelings, or a need to get at least a brief sense of control or relief.
To begin with, it is important to acknowledge the very fact of the problem and normalize your feelings. The fact that you notice it and talk about it means you have motivation to change for the better.

Often the impulse arises in moments of strong stress, anxiety, emotional emptiness, or a sense of injustice. Try to track when exactly the desire to take something appears? What precedes it? What emotions arise?

Next, it is necessary to find strategies that help “discharge” tension without risky actions: breathing techniques, grounding, switching attention, physical activity, short pauses to stop the impulse.

Very often it is these emotions that drive a person into a vicious circle: impulse — action — shame — even greater tension. The main task is to break this circle and return a sense of control and self-respect.
Sometimes kleptomania is connected with experienced losses, lack of support, childhood trauma, low self-esteem, or a way of coping with strong emotions that a person has not learned how to handle.

I want to emphasize that it is truly possible to cope with this. The most effective way is in the format of individual psychotherapy, where together with a specialist you will gradually reduce impulsivity, build supports, and find safe ways to process emotions.

Main self-help steps:

Awareness of the impulse

Learn to "catch the moment" before the action becomes automatic. Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling right now?
• Where exactly in my body is the tension?
• What exactly triggers the desire to take the item?

This is not yet about control, but about observation.

Create a pause between the impulse and the action

Even a 10–30 second pause can greatly reduce the strength of the urge. Try:

• a slow inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6–8;
• count to 20;
• clench and unclench your fists;
• shift your gaze to some detail around you.

The goal is to step out, for a second, from the influence of the impulse.

When tension is strong, it helps bring the body back "here and now"

• touch a cold object;
• feel your feet on the floor;
• mentally name five objects around you;
• take a few slow steps.

This reduces impulsivity.

Make a list of places where the impulse most often appears
and think through a plan in advance:

• go only with a specific shopping list;
• keep your wallet and phone in a hard-to-reach place;
• do not go to the store during moments of severe stress or fatigue;
• ask a close person to accompany you

Keep an impulse diary

Short notes after each episode or strong urge:

• when it happened;
• what emotions preceded it;
• the level of tension;
• what helped you resist / what didn’t.

After 1–2 weeks patterns and triggers become visible.

Find a safe way to "release" tension
Kleptomania is about trying to relieve inner tension. You can try:

• short intense physical exercises (30 seconds — 1 minute);
• interval running or walking;
• drawing chaotic lines;
• water (contrast shower, washing with cold water);
• squeezing an "anti-stress" ball.

Give yourself support, not punishment
Feelings of shame or self-criticism only increase tension — and therefore the impulse. It can be helpful to tell yourself:

• I am working on this
• I am taking a step toward control right now
• This is a symptom, not my essence

Self-help is a temporary stage, and it is very important not to remain alone with this.

Psychologist’s answer:How to accept what I cannot influence?

Accepting what we cannot influence is one of the most difficult inner processes. And it is important to say honestly: acceptance does not mean "I like it" or "I don’t care." Acceptance is about stopping the fight with a reality that cannot be changed and beginning to preserve yourself in what is.

When we cannot influence a situation, inside grows:

• anxiety ("What if it gets even worse?")
• anger ("Why me?")
• powerlessness
• resistance to the very thought that reality is this way and not another.

These are natural reactions of the psyche. We are built so that our brain strives for control, because control = safety.

What helps move toward acceptance:

Name reality as it is.
Not from the position "I like it," but from the position of fact: "It happened. I cannot change it. This is the reality I am living in right now."
A fact is not capitulation. It is a point of support from which you can move forward.

Allow yourself emotions.
Acceptance does not arise when we "force" ourselves to accept.
It comes when we live through it: Only what has been lived through can be released. Everything unspoken gets stuck and keeps us in resistance.

• sadness
• anger
• regret
• resentment
• disappointment

Separate the sphere of influence from the sphere of powerlessness.
Try asking yourself directly:
"What in this situation depends on me?"
"And what does not depend on me at all?"
A lot of pain arises not because of the event itself, but because of attempts to change what cannot be changed.

Restore your sense of inner control.
If control is impossible in the situation, it is important to restore it at least in something: the psyche calms down when a tiny bit of stability appears in life.

• in your decisions
• in your pace
• in the ways you take care of yourself
• in creating small predictability

Redirect energy from fighting to supporting yourself.
Try asking:
"What can I do to make it at least a little easier for me?"
"What can I give myself right now?"
"How can I be gentler with myself?"
Where there is no influence — care should appear.

Give yourself time.
Acceptance is not an action, but a process. Sometimes it takes longer than we would like. And that is normal.
Acceptance comes in layers:

• first resistance
• then pain
• then sadness
• then, little by little — inner calm

See that losing control does not take away your value.
A situation you cannot influence does not make you weak.
It only highlights places where you need support, warm boundaries, and inner grounding.

Acceptance is not about submission and not about "resigning yourself." It is about stopping exhausting yourself by fighting where it is impossible to win, and directing your strength to where your life can improve. And you can learn this. In small steps. Gently. At your own pace.

Psychologist's Response:Divorce, two children. The older one will likely live with her father due to school, but she doesn’t want to change schools or leave me. It hurts to let her go, and she’s afraid she won’t be accepted at the new school. What is the right thing to do?

What you're going through right now is completely normal for a mother who has been emotionally connected every step of the way.

You didn’t just “raise” your daughter. You lived with her, breathed with her, protected her, felt her pain and fears. That’s why it’s not your head that hurts now – it’s the bond. And this pain isn’t about control. It’s about love and the breakdown of familiar life.

At 12, a child perceives the world very sensitively but still lacks the inner supports that adults have.

She doesn’t want to change schools because it means safety, friends, a familiar environment. She doesn’t want to leave you because you are her anchor, her home, her support.

But she’s afraid she won’t be accepted at the new school. And that’s a very real childhood fear, not a whim.

Her fear doesn’t mean she’s weak. It means she’s attached and sensitive. Her psyche chooses safety but by no means rejects you.

Your phrase “I can’t let her go emotionally” is deeply honest.

Divorce means a loss of family wholeness, and the possibility of your daughter living with her father means a loss of daily motherhood. Naturally, an understandable fear arises: “What if I become less important to her?” And this is not selfishness. It’s maternal anxiety screaming right now.

But it’s important to understand that a child doesn’t “leave” her mother even if she doesn’t live with her every day.

The bond between you doesn’t live in an apartment, isn’t tied to a school, and doesn’t vanish with distance. It lives in your voice, your gaze, your conversations, your image in her mind. And if this bond isn’t torn by force but gently transformed, it can even grow deeper.

What you can do right now

• Don’t force yourself to “stay strong.” You have the right to cry, to grieve, to not know what’s right. Your child doesn’t need a perfect mother. She needs a real one.
• Speak to your daughter honestly, without pressure: “I see how scared you are. And I see how important it is for you to stay at this school. It hurts me deeply too to think we won’t be together every day. But I’m with you. Always. No matter what we decide.” This relieves the child from feeling responsible for “saving mom.”
• Try to separate love from the decision. Love is unconditional. Decisions are complex, but temporary. Even if she lives with her father for a while, you don’t lose your status as her mom. You don’t lose closeness. You don’t disappear from her life.

When a mother is torn inside, children feel it. Your goal now isn’t to “make the right decision,” but to not break yourself in the process.

Remember that you are a good mother. Your pain speaks of deep love. Your daughter is not betraying you by her choice. You are not losing her, even if she’s not with you every day. This is a period you can live through without breaking your bond.