"Ask a psychologist." Answers to questions

Our Charity Foundation presents the column “Ask a Psychologist”, within which psychologist Yana Kobets gives her expert advice to our subscribers.

We publish our specialist’s answers to the questions we receive from you.

• How to recover from the loss of a loved one and get back to life?

• How to support a child if the father went missing in the war?
• Psychologist's answer: How to support a child who is grieving for a dead father?
• What to do when you see shadows or objects that are not there?
• How to reduce anxiety levels?
• How can I overcome a gaming addiction that arose due to stressful events? I'm worried that it could ruin my relationship with my partner, who doesn't know about this problem.
• How to find a job? I'm having trouble finding my place
• How to support a child who feels constant anxiety due to the possible danger to their parents?
• How to control yourself and not yell at your child, especially during homework?
• How to learn to shift attention from negative situations?
• How to build a relationship with a teenage son if he is only interested in computer games?
• Can a war in a country cause delayed speech development in a preschool child?
• How to survive contempt, ridicule from friends? My husband often insults me in front of my children. I don't have the strength to live on. Sometimes I ask my children if they would be better off without me.
• I am 21 years old, and I can't find my place in life and decide what I want. Criticism from my family only makes my condition worse. I feel powerless and apathetic.
• How to improve your relationship with your children?
• How can I learn to react more calmly to external circumstances? How can I improve my relationships with my teenage children?
• Our teenager is taking money without permission. What should we do about it and how should we react?
• How to get out of a state of derealization?

Psychologist's answer: How to recover from the loss of a loved one and get back to life?

The path to recovery is an individual process that requires time and patience. There is no single right answer to how to learn to enjoy life again. However, there are some steps that can help you on this difficult path.

Allow yourself to grieve. Do not suppress your feelings. Tears, anger, sadness are normal reactions to loss. Allow yourself to feel everything you feel. Talk about your feelings. Share your experiences with loved ones, friends or a psychologist. This will help you let your emotions out and feel supported.

Allow yourself to grieve. Do not rush to "forget" about your loss. Grief is a natural process, and you need to go through it.

Take care of yourself
Physical health: Watch your diet, exercise, get enough sleep. Physical health is closely linked to our emotional state.
Emotional health: Practice relaxation techniques such as meditation or breathing exercises. Do something you enjoy, read books, listen to music.
Social connections: Maintain connections with loved ones. Talking to other people will help you feel less alone.

Seek support
Family and friends: Talk to loved ones about how you are feeling. Their support is very important to you.
Support groups: Talking to people who have gone through similar experiences can be very helpful.
Psychologist: A specialist can help you process your feelings, find resources to overcome difficulties and restore emotional balance.

Gradually return to life
Start small: Set small and achievable goals.
Discover new things: Find new hobbies or interests.
Plan for the future: Think about what you want to achieve in life.

Remember that the recovery process is individual and can take a long time. Don't compare yourself to others or demand too much from yourself. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel everything you feel.
You are not alone. Many people have experienced a similar loss and were able to find the strength to move on. You can do it too.

If you are having a hard time dealing with these feelings on your own, don't hesitate to seek help from a psychologist.

Psychologist's answer: How to support a child if the father went missing in the war?

The situation when the father is missing in action is extremely difficult and painful for the whole family, especially for children. They feel fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and need special attention and support.

Recommendations that can help you support your child during this difficult period:

1. Open conversation. Tell your child about the situation in simple, understandable words, according to their age. Do not lie, but avoid unnecessary details that may scare them.
2. Give your child the opportunity to express their feelings and experiences. Do not interrupt them or devalue their feelings.
3. Answer all of your child's questions as honestly and as accessible as possible. If you do not know the answer to a question, say so and offer to find the answer together.
4. Create a safe space. Let your child feel that they are not alone, that you are always there to support them.
5. Create family rituals that will help your child feel safe and calm. These can be dinners together, reading bedtime stories, or walks in the fresh air.
6. Monitor what information your child receives from the news. Too much negative information can increase their anxiety.
7. Professional help. Contact a child psychologist. A specialist will help your child process their feelings and teach them useful strategies for coping with stress. Communicating with other children who are going through similar experiences can be very helpful.
8. Maintaining a routine. Try to maintain a familiar schedule for your child's day to provide them with a sense of stability. Encourage your child to do things they love, communicate with friends. This will help them forget about their worries and feel much better.
9. Take care of yourself. Remember yourself. You need help too. Don’t be afraid to reach out to your loved ones or professionals for help.

Talk to others who are going through similar experiences.

Every child is different, and what works for one child may not work for another. Be sensitive to your child’s needs and try to create the safest and most comfortable environment possible. There are also organizations that provide psychological support for children who have experienced traumatic events. Don’t be afraid to reach out to them for help. It’s important to understand that the recovery process from trauma can be a long one. Be patient with yourself and your child.

Psychologist's answer: How to support a child who is grieving for a dead father?

I sympathize with you in your grief. The death of a loved one is always a great loss, especially when a young child has to experience it.

Why is this a normal reaction:

1. Strong attachment. Children are very attached to their parents, especially at an early age. Losing a parent destroys this bond and causes feelings of loss, loneliness and fear.
2. Misunderstanding of death. Children often do not understand the concept of death. For them, it can be something temporary, for example, when someone goes to bed and does not wake up. Therefore, it is important not to call death a dream, so as not to cause the child to fear falling asleep. He may begin to fear that he will fall asleep and never wake up again. You should not tell the child that God took him away, because this can cause resentment and anger at higher powers. You should also be careful with statements like: the father is now in heaven and he is better off there than us. Because the child may have a desire to get to the father in heaven, because it is better there and you can be near him there. Sometimes it is difficult for a child to realize how the father went to another world and at the same time his relatives go to the cemetery to see him? Therefore, it is necessary to explain death in the child's language, in accordance with his age, in a clear way and within the framework of the concept that your family adheres to
3. Inability to express their feelings. Children may not know how to express their feelings correctly, so they may show them through aggression, detachment or other forms of behavior.
4. Fear of the unknown. The death of the father causes the child to fear the future. They may be afraid that something similar will happen to other loved ones.

What are the manifestations of grief in children:
- Crying is the most obvious manifestation of grief.
- Change in appetite. The child may refuse to eat or, conversely, overeat.
- Problems with sleep. Insomnia, nightmares.
- Change in behavior. The child may become more aggressive, withdrawn or, conversely, hyperactive.
- Physical symptoms. Headache, stomachache, loss of interest in games.

What parents can do:

- Be honest and open. Talk to the child in simple words that he can understand about what happened. Explain that dad is dead and will not come back. Do not deceive the child, but do not go into too much detail either.

- Allow the child to express his feelings. Do not hold back the child's tears. Let him cry, scream, get angry. This is a natural reaction to grief.

- Answer the child's questions. Even if these questions seem naive to you. Speak calmly and confidently.

- Keep rituals. Continue to perform the usual rituals associated with the father. For example, read his favorite bedtime stories or look at family photos.

- Let the child say goodbye. Give him the opportunity to say goodbye to his father. This can be through a drawing, a letter or just talking about him.

- Let the child play games related to his father. Playing, the child can process his feelings and experiences.
- Seek help from a specialist. A psychologist can help the child and you cope with grief and learn to live on. A pediatric neurologist can prescribe medications that will support the child's nervous system.
- Take care of yourself. Remember that you also need support. Do not hesitate to seek help from friends, relatives or a psychologist.

What to do during tantrums:
- Stay calm. Your reaction is very important to the child. Try to stay calm, even if it is very difficult for you. However, you can also cry together and say that you miss your father too and that your sadness is normal.
- Hug your child. Physical contact helps them feel safe.
- Listen to your child. Let them express their feelings. Don't interrupt them or minimize their feelings. Tell them that you feel the same way.
- Redirect your child's attention. Try to divert your child's attention to something else, such as playing a game or reading a story.
- Go for a walk in the fresh air. Fresh air and physical activity can help your child calm down.

Remember that the grieving process is individual for each person. Don't compare your child to others and don't expect them to quickly forget about the loss. Be patient and supportive of them and yourself.

Psychologist's answer: What to do when you see shadows or objects that are not there?

Indeed, such sensations can cause severe anxiety and confusion. Seeing shadows that are not really there and feeling someone's presence in the room are quite common experiences, especially in stressful situations.

What could be the cause of such sensations?

1. Stress and anxiety. Severe stress related to daily life or some specific events can lead to hallucinations or increased sensitivity to the environment.
2. Lack of sleep. Lack of sleep can affect our ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy.
3. Depression. Depressive states are often accompanied by various bodily sensations, including the feeling of someone's presence.
4. Drug therapy. Some medications can cause side effects, which may include visual hallucinations.
5. Medical conditions. In some cases, such feelings may be associated with neurological diseases.

What can you do?

Consult a doctor. It is important to exclude any medical causes of your feelings. Consulting a psychologist will help you understand the causes of your feelings, teach you relaxation techniques and help you cope with anxiety.

Keep a sleep diary. Write down when you go to bed, when you wake up, how you sleep. This will help you identify possible sleep disorders.

Create a calm atmosphere at home. Clean the room, ventilate it, use pleasant aromas.

Practice relaxation techniques. Meditation, breathing exercises, yoga will help you calm down and reduce anxiety.

Discuss your feelings with loved ones. Tell people you trust about your experiences. Sometimes just talking about your fears helps to ease the condition.

Limit your consumption of stimulants. Coffee, alcohol, nicotine can increase anxiety.

Remember that you are not alone. Many people face similar experiences. Seek help from a specialist, and you will definitely find a solution to this problem.

Psychologist's answer: How to reduce anxiety?

With high anxiety intensity, the following tools can help:

1. Deep breathing: Take a slow breath in through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, and slowly exhale through your mouth. This will help calm your nervous system.
2. Meditation: Regular meditation helps you focus on the present moment and let go of anxious thoughts.
3. Progressive muscle relaxation: Alternately tense and relax different muscle groups to relieve physical tension.
4. Changing your mindset: Identify negative thoughts. Try to identify the automatic negative thoughts that arise in your mind when you are anxious. Then try to replace the negative thoughts with more realistic and positive ones. Write down your thoughts and feelings. This will help you understand yourself and your anxiety better.
5. Healthy lifestyle: Physical activity helps relieve stress and improves mood.A healthy diet provides the body with the necessary substances for normal functioning. Sleep also plays an important role in the body's recovery.Try to limit caffeine and alcohol, as they can only increase anxiety.
6. Spend time with friends and family, do not hesitate to ask for help from loved ones if necessary.
7. Limit watching the news or discussing topics that increase your anxiety level.
8. Professional help: A specialist will help you understand the causes of anxiety and develop an individual treatment plan.

Good luck on your journey to reducing your anxiety level! Regular efforts will certainly help stabilize your condition!

Psychologist's answer:How can I overcome a gaming addiction that arose due to stressful events? I'm worried that it could ruin my relationship with my partner, who doesn't know about this problem.

Why do people turn to gaming?

• Quick gratification. Gaming can provide an instant sense of accomplishment, entertainment, and a way to forget about worries.
• Control. In a virtual world, people often feel more in control of the situation than in real life.
• Escaping from reality allows people to forget about worries, stress, and negative emotions.
• A sense of significance.

Why is it destructive?

• It only temporarily masks the problem, not solves it.
• Over time, the need can become uncontrollable.
• Losses and stress can lead to health problems, as well as the development of depression and anxiety.
• Relationship breakdown, conflict, financial difficulties.

How to overcome online casino addiction: practical tips

1. Admit the problem. The first step to recovery is realizing that you have a problem.Don't be shy. Many people face this problem, and you are not alone.
2. Limit access:Block sites. Use special programs to block access to online casino sites.Remove all gambling-related applications from your phone.Limit card use: Talk to your bank about blocking the ability to make payments to gaming sites.
3. Find alternatives:
   - Take up a hobby: Find an activity that you enjoy and that will help you to abstract yourself and forget about the game.
   - Socialize: Spend more time with friends and family.
   - Exercise. Physical exercise will help relieve stress and have a positive effect on your well-being.
4. Seek help:
   - A specialist will help you understand the causes of your addiction and develop an individual treatment plan.
   - Talking to other people who have similar problems can be very helpful.
   - There are specialized hotlines where you can seek help at any time.
5. Be patient. Overcoming addiction is a process. Do not expect instant results.Do not give up!Even if you fail, do not despair. Keep fighting.

Algorithms and techniques for overcoming gaming addiction: practical advice

Behavioral therapy algorithms:

• Replace the time spent playing with other, more useful activities. Reward yourself for achieving small goals.
• Identify situations, places and emotions that prompt you to play. Learn to avoid or change these situations.
• Write down your thoughts, feelings, and actions related to gaming. This will help you better understand your habits and motivations.
• Use breathing exercises, meditation, or yoga to relieve stress and anxiety.

Cognitive-behavioral techniques:

• Identify and change negative thoughts: Challenge negative thoughts related to gaming and replace them with more realistic ones.
• Learn to cope effectively with stressful situations without resorting to gaming.
• Learn to say “no” and assert your boundaries.

Telling your partner about your gaming addiction can be a difficult step, but it is important for recovery and saving your relationship. Here’s why it’s important:
- Your partner can be your support in the fight against addiction. He or she can help you find support, motivate you, and be there for you when times get tough.
- By hiding your problem, you risk losing your partner’s trust. Open communication can help strengthen your relationship.
- Together, you can develop strategies to help you overcome your addiction.

How to talk about your problem:

• Choose the right time and place. Choose a quiet place and time when you are both relaxed and can talk calmly.
• Be honest. Talk about your addiction without hiding details.
• Explain how it affects you. Share your feelings and experiences.
• Ask for support. Tell your partner that you need their help.

Be prepared for different reactions. Your partner may react differently. Be prepared for this and try to understand their feelings.

Remember that you are not alone. Many people have successfully overcome gaming addiction.

Psychologist's answer: How to find a job? I'm having trouble finding my place

To begin with, I suggest asking yourself a few questions that can help you better understand yourself and your expectations from work:

• What does "finding your place" mean to you? What values, interests, and skills would you like to implement at work?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses? What do you think is preventing you from finding a job?
• What have you had previous employment experiences? What did you like and what didn't you like?
• What are your expectations from work? What schedule, salary, and working conditions will suit you?
• What fears and anxieties do you experience while looking for a job? What exactly worries you the most?
• What successes have you had in life? This will help increase your self-esteem.
• What resources do you have for finding a job? You may have useful contacts, skills, or knowledge.
• How do you usually cope with stress? Understanding your coping mechanisms will help you develop effective strategies for finding a job.

The next step can be to draw up a job search plan that will meet your individual characteristics.
And finally, start taking action according to the formed plan. If necessary, you can adjust the plan to your needs and capabilities.

Remember that job searching is a process that takes time and effort. Don't give up if you don't find a job right away. The main thing is to believe in yourself and not be afraid to ask for help. I wish you success in finding your place in life!

Psychologist's answer: How to support a child who feels constant anxiety due to the possible danger to their parents?

Explain your vision to them in simple words. Use words that the child will understand, and avoid unnecessary details that may scare them. At the same time, it is better not to hide the truth, but also not to dramatize.

You can talk about what you are doing to ensure the safety of the family and yourself.
It is important to listen carefully, give the child the opportunity to express himself. Show that his feelings are important and understandable to you.

What joint actions can be taken?

1. Create joint rituals that will help the child feel safe and comfortable. These can be evening stories, family dinners or joint games.
2. Offer your child to engage in creativity: drawing, modeling, so that he can express his feelings.
3. Joint walks, games will help relieve tension and distract from anxious thoughts.
4. Involve your child in charitable activities so that he feels his significance and can help others.
5. Physical contact helps your child feel safe.
6. Remind your child of your love, support and that everything will be fine.
7. Teach your child simple relaxation techniques, such as breathing exercises or visualization of a safe place.
8. Consulting a child psychologist will help your child cope with anxiety and teach him useful strategies for overcoming stress.

Remember that children can react to stress in different ways.
At the same time, do not forget to take care of yourself, because your emotional state directly affects the child's condition.
Your love and support are the most important things for a child during this difficult period.

Psychologist's answer: How to control yourself and not yell at your child, especially during homework?

Understanding why parents may lose their temper with their child during homework is an important step towards solving this problem. Here are some reasons that can lead to such situations.

1. Own negative memories: Many parents repeat the behavioral patterns they saw in their parents. If they were forced to do homework in an atmosphere of stress and shouting, they may unconsciously repeat this scenario with their children.
2. High expectations: Parents often have high expectations of their children, and when the child does not achieve the desired results, this can cause disappointment and anger.
3. Fatigue and stress: After a day of work, parents are tired and nervous. In such conditions, even minor difficulties with the child can cause irritation.
4. Not enough time: When parents have limited time, they may feel pressured and demand quick results from the child, which leads to conflicts.
5. Lack of understanding of the child’s difficulties: Parents may not take into account the individual characteristics of the child, his learning pace and work style.
6. Lack of effective teaching methods: If parents do not know how to properly organize the learning process, they may feel helpless and angry.

The reasons why a child may refuse to do homework can be varied:

• Lack of understanding of the material. If a child does not understand the task or topic, he may feel afraid or insecure, which will lead to a reluctance to take on the work.
• Fatigue. After a long school day, a child may simply be exhausted and not have the strength for additional classes.
• Lack of motivation. If a child does not see the point in doing homework or does not understand why it is important, he may be demotivated.
• Some children have difficulty concentrating, which makes it difficult to complete tasks.
• Stress, anxiety or other emotional problems can distract a child from studying.
• Sometimes refusal can be a form of protest against something that is happening in a child's life.
• Lack of organization. If a child does not have a clear schedule and does not know how to plan his time, this can lead to procrastination.
• Physical discomfort. Hunger, thirst, pain can distract a child from studying.
• Insufficient understanding of the importance of studying. If a child is not explained why studying is important and how it will help him in the future, he may not see the point in it (explain with an example that school is a simulator for the brain. Every day the child develops his brain during studying, and this will help him in the future to succeed and fulfill his dreams).

How to avoid conflicts when doing homework:

• Try to determine what exactly causes you irritation and find ways to cope with these emotions.
• Remember that studying is a process that takes time. Do not demand too much from your child.
• Create a supportive environment. A quiet place: Choose a quiet place for your child to study, where they can focus.
• Choose a time when your child is most active and focused. This is usually not right after school, but some time after a break.
• Create a schedule for classes, breaking them down into short blocks with breaks.
• Break tasks into smaller, more understandable parts.
• Praise your child for every small success.
• If your child doesn’t understand a task, try to explain it in other words or with examples.
• Let your child express themselves and listen to their concerns.Instead of criticizing, focus on finding solutions.
• Create an environment where your child is not afraid to make mistakes.
• Take regular breaks for rest and physical activity.
• Offer a reward system for completing tasks
• Get help: If you are having serious difficulties, contact a tutor or psychologist.

Remember that you are a mother, not a teacher. Your main task is to support and protect. Yelling is not an effective method of teaching. It only worsens the relationship with the child and lowers his self-esteem. Be supportive and positive, and you can make the learning process enjoyable for both of you.

Psychologist's answer: How to learn to switch attention from negative situations?

Also, negative emotions, such as fear, anger, or sadness, are often more intense than positive ones. This intensity makes us fixate on negative events, trying to understand and resolve them.

Do not forget that negative thoughts can be distorted. For example, we can exaggerate the negative aspects of a situation or ignore the positive ones. These distortions support the fixation on the negative.

Another reason may be anxiety and stress, which increase sensitivity to negative stimuli. When stressed, we are more likely to see the world in a negative light. People with low self-esteem are often prone to self-criticism and negative thoughts about themselves. They may focus more on their own shortcomings and failures. News feeds and social media are often filled with negative news, which can contribute to a negative mindset.

Understanding these reasons can help you understand why you tend to get stuck in negative situations and begin to develop strategies for shifting your focus and improving your emotional state.

Shifting your focus from negative situations, stopping your thoughts and feelings, is a skill that can be developed by taking these steps:

1. Acknowledge your thoughts. Don’t try to dismiss them right away. Just observe them like clouds in the sky.Accept your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them without judging yourself.Understand that thoughts are not facts. They can be distorted or unrealistic.
2. Focus on the present moment, on your feelings, your breathing, the sounds around you.Walking, playing sports, dancing - any physical activity helps to relieve stress and forget about worries.Drawing, music, writing are great ways to express your emotions and switch your attention.Do something that brings you pleasure and distracts you from negative thoughts.Talking to a friend or family member can help you feel supported.
3. Perform the "stop-word" technique. When you notice a negative thought, say to yourself "stop" or another word that helps you stop.Try to find positive aspects of the situation or replace negative thoughts with more realistic and constructive ones.

The "3-3-3" technique will help you return to the present moment. Name 3 things you see, 3 sounds you hear, and 3 parts of your body that you feel.

Write down your thoughts and emotions - this will help you better understand them and find ways to overcome them.

If you feel that you cannot cope with negative thoughts and experiences on your own, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you understand your emotions and teach you effective strategies for overcoming negativity.

Remember that this process takes time and practice. Do not be upset if you do not succeed at everything right away. Be patient with yourself, and you will definitely succeed.

Psychologist's answer: How to build a relationship with a teenage son if he is only interested in computer games?

This is a very relevant question that worries many parents.
There may be several reasons why teenagers so often choose the virtual world:

• Games allow teenagers to communicate with friends, find like-minded people and feel like part of a community.
• Games can be a way to forget about problems, stress and boredom in real life.
• In games, teenagers can feel successful, achieve goals and receive recognition, which may be lacking in real life.
• Games can be a way to release emotions that are difficult to express in real life.

What to do?
Building a relationship with a teenager, especially when his main interest is the online world, can be a difficult task. However, it is quite possible if you approach this issue with understanding and patience.

1. Try to understand his world.
2. Take the time to learn more about what your son finds so appealing about online games or social media. Try to see it through his eyes.
3. Ask open-ended questions so he can share his thoughts and feelings. For example: "Why do you like this game? What do you find interesting about it?"
4. Try to find common interests that would unite you. Perhaps you could play a game or watch a stream together. This will help you better understand his world and strengthen your emotional connection.
5. Discuss with your son the rules for using the Internet and gadgets. It is important that he understands why these rules are necessary.
6. Make a schedule for the day so that he has enough time for both online activities and other things.
7. Listen to him carefully, do not interrupt or express negative judgments.

What to avoid:

• Categorical prohibitions can have the opposite effect and interest a teenager even more.
• Do not criticize his hobbies, even if you do not like them.
• Do not compare him with other children.
• Try to resolve all issues peacefully, through dialogue.

Psychologist's answer: Can a war in a country cause delayed speech development in a preschool child?

War has a profound impact on the psyche of children 3-4 years old. At this age, children are especially vulnerable, since their psyche is still forming, and they do not have sufficiently developed mechanisms for overcoming stress.

Children can experience traumatic stress, even if they were not direct witnesses of hostilities. The sounds of explosions, sirens, and the disturbing emotions of adults can cause them severe fear and anxiety.

Children may become more anxious, tearful, irritable, or aggressive. There may be regression in development, for example, a return to early forms of behavior, such as thumb sucking or the use of baby talk.

Stress can affect attention, memory, and learning ability. Speech problems are possible. At this age, children are especially dependent on adults.

Therefore, it is important that parents and loved ones give them a sense of security, stability, and love. It is important to talk to children about their fears and anxieties, using simple and understandable words.Games, drawing, music can help children express their emotions and reduce stress. It is important to remember that each child reacts to war in their own way. Some children may show obvious signs of stress, while others may seem calm. However, even if a child does not show obvious signs of stress, it is important to provide them with support and attention.

Delayed speech development in children 3-4 years old can be caused by various factors:

• Hearing problems
• Heredity
• Limited communication with adults, lack of reading and games
• Traumatic events, unstable family situation or insufficient attention to the child's emotional needs
• Restriction of social contacts
• Excessive time spent watching TV or using other gadgets
• Depressed psycho-emotional state of the child's parents (anxiety, depression, increased emotional excitability, etc.)

A few exercises that will help parents develop speech in a child 3-4 years old:

1. Picture games
   - Show your child pictures with images of animals, objects, people. Ask them to name what is depicted and describe what they see.
   - Use a series of pictures to compose a short story together. Ask your child what is happening in each picture and help them connect the events into a single story.
   - Compare two similar pictures and ask your child to find the differences between them. This develops attention and the ability to describe details.
2. Games with sounds
   - Imitate the sounds of different animals and ask your child to guess who it is. Then switch roles.
   - Introduce your child to different musical instruments and their sounds. Play the game "Guess the sound".
   - Draw your child's attention to the sounds that surround us: the noise of cars, birds singing, the phone ringing. Discuss what he hears.
3. Games with fingers
   - Perform simple exercises to develop fine motor skills, such as bending and unbending fingers, circular movements, playing with finger puppets.
   - Modeling from plasticine, drawing with fingers or a brush contribute to the development of fine motor skills and stimulate speech.
4. Reading and storytelling
   - Read fairy tales, poems, stories to your child. Discuss what you have read, ask questions, ask them to retell.
   - Tell your child stories from your own life, fairy tales, made-up stories. Involve your child in the story, ask them to supplement or continue the story.
   - Use a flashlight and hands to show shadow figures. Tell stories using shadow theater.
5. Role-playing
   - Act out a grocery shopping scene. The child can be a seller or a buyer.
   - Act out a doctor's visit scene. The child can be a doctor or a patient.
   - Act out a family dinner or walk scene. The child can be a mother, father, child, or another family member.
6. Everyday communication
   - Describe what you do while cooking, cleaning, or walking.
   - Ask your child open-ended questions that require a detailed answer.
   - Show interest in what the child is saying, do not interrupt, ask clarifying questions.
7. Using didactic games
   - Playing lotto helps to expand vocabulary and develop attention.
   - Assembling puzzles develops logical thinking and fine motor skills.
   - Playing with cubes develops spatial thinking and imagination.

Remember that each child develops at his own pace. If you have doubts about the development of the child's speech, contact specialists (pediatrician, speech therapist, pediatric neurologist, child psychologist). Early diagnosis of the causes and correction will help the child overcome difficulties and develop speech skills.

Psychologist's answer: How to survive contempt, ridicule from friends? My husband often insults me in front of my children. I don't have the strength to live on. Sometimes I ask my children if they would be better off without me.

Your situation is not easy. It is obvious that you are going through a very difficult time. I suggest dividing your question into two parts - relationships with your husband and children and relationships with loved ones and friends who ignore or ridicule you.

A situation where a husband constantly insults you in front of your children is unacceptable and causes serious harm to both you and your children. Your feelings of despair, pain, and even thoughts that the children would be better off without you are understandable in such a situation.

But it is important to emphasize that:
Children do not deserve to hear their parents insult each other. This can lead to serious psychological trauma in children, such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and future relationship problems.

What to do:

1. Call a helpline or contact professionals who will provide emotional support, help you understand your rights and develop a plan of action.
2. Contact a psychologist or psychotherapist for professional help. A specialist can help you understand your feelings, strengthen your self-esteem and learn how to resist violence.
3. Explain to children that the arguments between their parents are not their fault. Reassure them of your love and support. Encourage children to talk about their feelings and experiences. Listen to them carefully and respectfully.
4. Develop a plan of action. If possible, talk to your husband and try to find out the reasons for his behavior. Explain to him how his words and actions affect you and the children.
5. If your husband is not ready to change, consider temporarily or permanently living separately.
6. Find time for yourself. Do things that bring you pleasure and help you relax. You deserve love and respect! Do not let anyone make you feel inferior or worthless.

Your children need you. You are their mother, and your love and support are the most important thing for them. Therefore, refrain from asking whether they would be better off without you. Such questions can provoke a high level of anxiety and neurotic states in your children.

How to survive constant ridicule and ignoring from loved ones and get rid of feelings of loneliness:
First of all, it is important to recognize and accept your feelings. Do not hide sadness, pain or disappointment. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, as they are a natural reaction to negative treatment.

• Write down your experiences in a diary to better understand them and analyze the situation.
• Talk to someone you trust. This can be a friend, relative or psychologist. Talking will help you express your feelings and get support.
• It is important to set clear boundaries and let loved ones know that their behavior is unacceptable. Explain to them exactly how their words and actions affect you.
• If possible, limit communication with people who constantly offend or ignore you.
• Strengthen your self-esteem. Remind yourself of your positive qualities and achievements.
• Do your favorite things that bring you pleasure and help you feel better.
• Expand your circle of friends. Meet new people, attend interesting events, join clubs for your interests. Look for people who value and respect you.
• Don't forget about your needs and interests. Take time for yourself, your hobbies and interests.
• Don't let yourself blame yourself for other people's actions. Over time, you will be able to forgive your offenders, but this does not mean that you have to forget about what happened. By forgiving, you will help yourself to free yourself from negative emotions and move on.
• If you feel that you cannot cope with the situation on your own, seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you understand yourself, understand the reasons for your condition and find ways to overcome difficulties.

It is important to remember that you deserve respect and love. Do not let anyone make you feel inferior or worthless.
I hope these tips will help you get through a difficult time and build a happy and fulfilling life.

Psychologist's answer: I am 21 years old, and I can't find my place in life and decide what I want. Criticism from my family only makes my condition worse. I feel powerless and apathetic.

Let's look at the possible reasons:

• Modern society often imposes certain standards of success that may not correspond to individual values ​​and needs. Often, pressure from family, friends, or colleagues can force a person to choose a path that does not bring satisfaction.
• Fear of making the wrong choice or failing can paralyze and prevent one from exploring new opportunities. A person may avoid risk by staying in their comfort zone, even if it does not bring happiness.
• Lack of understanding of one’s values, needs, interests, and talents can make it difficult to determine one’s path in life. A person may not know what they really like or what they are capable of.
• Traumatic events, negative experiences, or low self-esteem can affect one’s perception of oneself and one’s capabilities.
• Questions about the meaning of life, one’s role in the world, and the value of one’s existence can cause anxiety and confusion.
• A large amount of information and a multitude of opportunities can make choices difficult and create a feeling of overload.
• The war in Ukraine also has a very strong impact on one’s psychological state. Feelings of uncertainty, fear for the future, and the loss of loved ones – all of this contributes to feelings of apathy and powerlessness.

Here are a few steps that can help you:

1. Allow yourself to feel apathy and powerlessness. This is temporary. Don’t blame yourself for not knowing what you want. This is normal.
2. Write down your feelings in a diary or talk to someone you trust.
3. Explain to your family that their criticism only worsens your condition, say that you are ready to discuss your plans, but do not tolerate criticism. At the same time, focus on people who support you.
4. Remember what you liked as a child. Try new hobbies, courses, activities.Read books, watch movies, listen to podcasts that inspire you.
5. Determine your values:
   -What is important to you in life?
   -What are your strengths and talents?
   -What brings you pleasure?
6. Do not try to find answers to all questions at once. Set small goals and gradually move towards them. Be sure to celebrate your achievements, even the smallest ones.
7. Learn to make decisions, make choices and take responsibility. There are no perfect decisions and right choices. Everything is relative. Therefore, listen to yourself, to your needs. Try to perceive failures as part of the learning process. The only person who doesn't do anything is not wrong. Finding your place in life is a long process that requires time and effort.

Additional tips that can improve your condition: sports, healthy sleep and nutrition, time in nature, meditation or yoga.

It is important to remember that you are a unique person, and you have the potential for a happy and fulfilling life.

Psychologist's answer: How to improve your relationship with your children?

Improving your relationship with your children is an important and often difficult process that requires attention, patience, and sincere desire on both sides.

Let's figure out together what steps can help you:

1. Active listening. When your child is talking to you, put aside your business, turn off the TV or phone, and make eye contact. Let him feel that his words are important to you. At the same time, listen not only to the words, but also to the emotions, tone of voice, facial expressions, and gestures of the child. Try to understand what he feels, even if he cannot express it clearly. To make sure that you have understood the child correctly, rephrase his words in your own words. Ask clarifying questions to get more information and show your interest. Let your child speak to the end without interrupting him with your thoughts or comments. Refrain from negative assessments and criticism during the conversation.
2. Time together. Find common interests and activities that will bring pleasure to both you and your children. This can be cooking together, taking walks, reading books, watching movies, etc. Even if you don’t have much free time, make sure that the time you spend together is quality. Be attentive, involved, and emotionally available to your children. Try to find time to do things together regularly, even if it’s for short periods of time. Stability is important for a sense of closeness.
3. Love and support. Don’t be afraid to tell your children that you love them. This gives them a sense of security and acceptance. Hug, kiss your children, hold their hands. Physical contact is important for emotional connection. Encourage their efforts, perseverance, and progress. Be interested in what they are passionate about, support their endeavors, even if they seem frivolous to you.
4. Setting rules. Involve your children in setting rules so that they feel involved and understand their importance. Children need to know what to expect and what the consequences will be for breaking the rules. Consistency helps them feel safe and understand boundaries. Don’t just set rules, but explain to your children why they are important. This helps them to consciously follow them.
5. Conflict resolution. Try to remain calm and not raise your voice during conflict. Give each child a chance to express their opinion without interrupting or accusing. Discuss the specific situation, not the children’s personal qualities. At the same time, try to find a solution that is acceptable to all parties.
6. Be a role model. Your children learn from you. Show them how you listen to others, show respect, resolve conflicts, and take care of yourself. Apologize when you are wrong, because acknowledging your own responsibility shows that it is okay to be imperfect.
7. Patience. Change takes time. Improving relationships is a process that can take time. Don’t expect instant results. There may be difficulties and misunderstandings on the way to the best possible relationship. Be patient and persistent.

It is important to remind yourself that every child is unique, and what works for one may not work for another. Be sensitive to your children’s needs, experiment, and find the approaches that work best for your family.

Psychologist's answer: How to learn to react calmer to external circumstances? How to improve relationships with teenage children?

Try to identify specific situations, words, or actions that most often cause you a strong emotional reaction. Understanding your triggers is the first step to controlling them.

Keeping a diary can be helpful. You can write down your emotions, the situations that caused them, and your reactions. This will help you see patterns and better understand yourself.

Techniques that will help you learn to manage emotions:

• Conscious breathing. When you feel yourself starting to worry, stop and focus on your breathing. Take slow, deep breaths in and out. This helps calm your nervous system.
• Meditation. Regular meditation practice helps you learn to be present in the moment without judging your thoughts and emotions. It develops the ability to observe your reactions with greater detachment.
• Progressive muscle relaxation involves alternately tensing and relaxing different muscle groups, which helps relieve the physical tension that often accompanies emotional stress.
• Visualization. Imagine a calm and safe place. When you feel anxious, mentally return to this image.
• Reframe your thoughts. Try to look critically at your negative thoughts. Are there other ways to interpret the situation? Is there evidence that supports or refutes your thoughts? Replacing negative thoughts with more realistic and positive ones can significantly reduce your emotional reaction.
• It can also help to accept that you can’t control everything. There are many things in life that are beyond your control. Try to focus on what you can control – your thoughts, emotions and actions.

Worrying about the future or dwelling on the past often leads to stress. Try to focus on the present moment. Understanding that other people may also be experiencing difficulties and acting on their own can help reduce frustration and anger.

Pay attention to getting enough sleep, a balanced diet and regular physical activity. These all have a significant impact on your emotional state.
Make time for activities that you enjoy and help you relax. Spend time with people who support and understand you.

If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions on your own, consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.

When it comes to relationships with teenagers, it should be noted that adolescence is a period of significant change and challenges for both the children themselves and their parents. Remaining calm in communicating with teenagers requires understanding their developmental characteristics, patience, and the use of effective strategies.

It is important to consider that teenagers experience significant hormonal fluctuations, which can affect their mood and emotional reactions. Be prepared for sudden mood swings and increased sensitivity.

Teenagers are actively searching for their identity and striving for independence. This can manifest itself in the desire to make their own decisions, sometimes contrary to your advice. In adolescence, the opinions of friends and peers become extremely important. This can affect their decisions, clothing style, interests, etc.
Teenagers begin to evaluate the world and authorities more critically, including their parents. Be prepared for questions, doubts, and even objections. The part of the brain responsible for planning, decision-making, and impulse control is not yet fully developed in adolescents, which may explain their impulsiveness and tendency to engage in risky behavior.

With all of the above in mind, it is important to allow your teen to express their thoughts and feelings without interrupting or judging. Active listening shows your interest and respect. Instead of asking questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no,” ask about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. For example, “What do you think about this?” or “How do you feel about this situation?”

Try to understand their point of view, even if you disagree with it. Say something like, “I understand that you may feel frustrated.” Communicate your feelings and needs without blaming your teen. For example, instead of “You always leave your things behind!” say, “It makes me sad when I see things scattered because it’s hard for me to keep them organized.”

Don’t try to discuss important issues when you or your teen are upset, tired, or in a hurry. Find a calm and comfortable moment. Avoid sarcasm, criticism, and put-downs. These reactions can destroy trust and lead to conflict. At the same time, involve your teen in setting rules so they feel involved and responsible. Stick to the rules and the consequences for breaking them. Inconsistency can lead to confusion and feelings of injustice. Teens are more likely to accept rules if they understand their purpose and meaning.

Don’t try to control every little thing. Identify priority areas and focus on them. Sometimes the best way to teach is to let your teen face the natural consequences of their actions (if it’s safe, of course). If you feel your emotions are running high, take a time-out. Say that you need a few minutes to calm down and that you’ll come back to the conversation later. Even if you’re feeling irritated, try to speak calmly and avoid aggressive body language.

Be willing to make concessions if possible to find a solution that works for both parties. Parenting a teenager is difficult and emotionally draining. Allow yourself to feel frustrated, angry, or tired. Talk to other parents and friends if you need to.

Be mindful of your own needs. Do things that bring you joy and help you relax. If you are emotionally and physically exhausted, it will be harder for you to remain calm in your interactions with your teenager. Despite conflicts, let your teenager know that you love them and will always be there for them. Remind yourself that adolescence is a temporary stage. Over time, your relationship with your child will change for the better and become more mature.

The ability to respond calmly to external factors and maintain inner peace is an investment in your well-being and quality of life. With time and practice, you can develop greater resilience to stress and maintain inner harmony.

Psychologist's answer: Our teenager takes money without permission. What to do and how to react?

If a child can steal money from his parents, this is a situation that requires a careful and cautious approach.

• A child may steal because of a lack of money for personal needs.
• He may feel pressure from his peers.
• Perhaps he does not realize the consequences of his actions. Perhaps he wants to attract attention to himself.
• Perhaps the child has psychological problems.

Talking to a child who stole money requires calm, understanding and support. How to properly conduct such a conversation:

1. Before talking to your child, calm down. Your emotions can affect the course of the conversation. Choose a quiet time and place where no one will interfere. You can determine what you want through a conversation. Your goal is to understand the reasons for the theft, teach your child responsibility and restore trust
2. Calmly tell your child that you know about the theft. For example: “I noticed money was missing from my wallet.” Then give your child a chance to speak. Ask why she did it. It is important to listen to her without interrupting or judging. Express your feelings. Tell her how you feel about the theft. For example: “I am very upset because it breaks our trust.”
3. Explain that stealing is wrong and has consequences, that it is a breach of trust and legal rights. Discuss how your child can make things right. Together with your child, think of ways they can return the money or earn it back. Talk about how money is earned and what it is spent on.
4. Set clear rules about money and personal belongings. Define the consequences for breaking these rules. Set up a pocket money system so your child can meet their needs. Teach your child how to budget and save.
5. End the conversation on a positive note. Emphasize that you love your child and believe in their ability to fix the mistake.

How to calm yourself down:

• Remember that you are not perfect. That parents make mistakes. It is important to learn from them and move forward. A child's stealing is not always a reflection of your upbringing. It can be due to various factors.
• If necessary, talk to a partner, friend or psychologist. They can help you understand the situation.
• Focus on the positive. Remember all the good times you had with your child. Try to find time to rest and relax.

Important points:

1. Do not call your child a "thief" or "stealer".
2. Do not threaten or use physical punishment.
3. Be patient and consistent.
4. Do not compare him to other children.
5. Praise him for his honesty and responsibility.
6. Spend more time together to strengthen your relationship.
7. Show your child that you trust him.
8. Consult a psychologist if the stealing is repeated.

Remember that stealing is a signal that the child needs help. Your task is to understand their needs and support them in overcoming this problem.

A psychologist's answer:How to get out of a state of derealization?

Derealization is a state when a person feels that the world around them is unreal, as if in a dream or a movie.

Objects may seem blurry, artificial, flat, or devoid of color. Sounds may seem muffled or, conversely, too loud. Time may be perceived distorted - it can drag on for a very long time or fly by instantly. At the same time, a person realizes that this is only his or her feeling, and reality is actually different. This distinguishes derealization from psychosis, when a person loses touch with reality.

Derealization can occur for various reasons:

• Severe or chronic stress, panic attacks, generalized anxiety disorder are often accompanied by a feeling of derealization as a protective mechanism of the psyche.
• Traumatic experiences, especially in childhood, can lead to the development of derealization as a way to distance oneself from painful memories.
• Chronic sleep deprivation can disrupt normal brain function and cause feelings of unreality.
• Some drugs and alcohol can trigger episodes of derealization.
• Derealization can be a symptom of certain mental health conditions, such as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and personality disorders.
• Rarely, derealization can be associated with certain physical conditions, such as migraines or epilepsy.

There is no one-size-fits-all method for dealing with derealization. It may take time to find the strategies that work best for you.

1. Grounding. Using your five senses. Focus on what you see, hear, feel, smell, and taste in this moment. Name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
   - Tactile. Pick up an object (e.g., a rock, a ball, a cup) and carefully examine its texture, temperature, and weight.
   - Breathing exercises. Deep, slow breathing can help bring you back to a sense of presence. Try breathing in for a count of 1-2-3-4, holding your breath for a count of 1-2-3-4, and breathing out for a count of 1-2-3-4.
   - Physical activity: Simple movements like walking in place, jumping, or stretching can help you feel your body.
2. Thought recognition. Try to identify the thoughts that trigger or accompany feelings of derealization. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support these thoughts and if there are alternative ways to look at the situation.
   - Realistic appraisal. Remind yourself that feelings of derealization are temporary and do not mean that you are losing touch with reality.
   - Focus on the present. Consciously direct your attention to the current activity or conversation.
3. Stress management. Try to get enough sleep each night. A balanced diet can have a positive effect on your overall well-being. Regular physical activity helps reduce stress and anxiety. Meditation, yoga, and progressive muscle relaxation can be helpful. Engage in activities that you enjoy and that help you to distract yourself.
4. A professional can help you understand the causes of derealization, develop an individualized treatment plan, and teach you effective coping strategies. In some cases, your doctor may prescribe medication to treat underlying conditions, such as anxiety or depression, that may contribute to derealization.

It is important to note that episodes of derealization can be brief and isolated, especially in response to a stressful situation. However, if feelings of derealization become frequent, prolonged, and interfere with daily life, it is worth seeking help from a professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist. They will be able to determine the cause and offer appropriate treatment.